Anything for you

I got to attend a swanky event at the Waldorf Astoria the other night, an alumni reception for my fellow UW Law School graduates. It was fabulous.

One of my classmates, M, shared the wonderful news that she is 4 months pregnant.

We got to talking, and she shared something a friend (and new mom) had said to her, about how the sleepless nights in the beginning are the hardest thing she's ever done in her life. I think M was telling me this story so I could laugh and assure her that this friend was exaggerating.

But she isn't. I told her that her friend was right, and that, sometimes during those early sleepless nights, you start to feel sorry for yourself.

Why? Well:

* You haven't slept more than 3 hours in a row for several months
* Your body isn't back to what it was before, and probably never will be, and
* Your child's hunger is insatiable; you never quite 'catch your breath' - just as soon as you've finished one feeding, the child starts to get hungry for the next one.

As you struggle out of bed, stub your toe, try not to curse and generally stumble around in a haze of exhaustion, you feel frustrated and just worn down. During the short span of time it takes to get to your child, a million questions run through your head: Didn't you just eat? Can't you just give me a break? Why won't you stop crying? How am I going to do this?

You think that you're out of energy, out of milk, unable to do this even one more time......

And then, the miracle occurs. You look down at your child, and all you can think is "anything for you."

Anything. I would do anything for you. The veil of self-pity and frustration falls away, instantly replaced by a sense of purpose, a notion of destiny, and love.

Anything for you.

I told M that Monkey still inspires that feeling, that I still look at her (especially when she is sleeping and looks so fragile and delicate, ethereal in her slumbering bliss) and - unbidden - rising up out of my chest comes this wave of emotion so strong it washes away all other thoughts.

Anything. For. You......