How to spot a Manhattan Parent

I realized this morning that to the uninitiated, it might be hard to spot a Manhattan Parent (subspecies manhattan parenterribulus) in its natural environment.

Although some parents are easily spotted by such indicia as 'mom jeans' , most sport protective plumage (seven jeans, burberry purses, etc.) as camouflage and are difficult to spot without help.

Here are a few tell-tale signs that you have spotted and identified a manhattan parenterribulus ("PT"):

• Stroller hip: if you happen to glimpse the right flank of an adult that is slightly mottled with bruises, you have likely spotted a PT. This discoloration is caused by hoisting a stroller on the hip to navigate stairs. The stroller, in and of itself, would not cause bruising, but when filled with a squirming child, toys, blankies, sippy cups, extra pacificers, emergency cheerios and the diaper bag, it packs a wallop and leaves a mark.
• Right calf dirt: caused by stoller wheels banging against the calf when carrying the stroller up or down stairs. Usually paired with an otherwise immaculate outfit.
• Booger shoulder: boogers on the shoulder of an otherwise immaculate suit is a sign you can rely upon with absolute certainty that you have spotted a PT. (Another variant, also certain, is the spitup shoulder).
• Cheerio detritus on clothing.
• Muted response to kids screaming in public space. You have to be observing the PT closely to catch this behavior, but often you can glimpse characteristic responses such as imperceptible nods of sympathy, and offers of assistance.
• Public humming of such songs as "the wheels on the bus," or the alphabet song. Often noted in elevators.
• In depth knowledge of barney, elmo, maisey, thomas the train or the wiggles.
• Ability to eat meal in 30 seconds while simultaneously juggling at least three other tasks. (note, this is a indicator of the species parenterribulus, and is not limited to the manhattan subspecies).

Best of luck spotting these elusive and secretive creatures!