Two new (FUN) games in the Insane Household

So Monkey has two new games. She'd like to explain them to you....

1) Sneak up behind Ollie, our beloved geriatric (and, um, maybe not smart) cat and flick the hair on the top of her ears. Watch her ears twitch. Scream with delight. Repeat 300 times and act offended/traumatized when Ollie tries to bite you.

2) March up to mommy and yank up her shirt (preferably while in public). Attempt to push her distended belly button back into her stomach. Scream with delight. Repeat 300x. Act offended/traumatized when Mommy insists you desist.

What fun games do your insane toddlers like to play?

Random things

Did I ever mention that Monkey got to watch two Vietnamese PotBelly pigs being walked (on leashes!) in DUMBO a few weeks back? When we went to have brunch with Carey & Jody, a couple we love to hang out with (esp. since they are super tolerant of Monkey, for whatever reason...thanks mom, keep sending those checks their way!). How strange/cool is that? And that the minute we walked over to check them out, the pigs started pooping on the sidewalk? How nasty/gross is that? Um, yeah. And right before breakfast.

I may have mentioned that we had an early birthday party for Monkey and her cousin Emma back in Minneapolis, and that her Auntie Lauri and Uncle Jason gave her a set of Nemo sheets for her big girl bed? Did I mention that? Super cool present: Monkey lurves these sheets. She sleeps with the pillow case each night. No pillow....just the case. Well, Granddad Carter comes to town tonight to spend a few nights with us. And, since we got rid of the guest bed to turn what was the guestroom/closet/office/storage space into Monkey's "Big Girl Room" the only bed in there is a twin. With the Nemo sheets on it. Which Granddad now gets to sleep on. How cute is that?

And, while we are talking about rearranging the apartment for BabyGirlCarter#2, can I just mention that I keep having nightmares about where to keep the freakin' vacuum cleaner? I know, talk about pregnancy hormones and anal-tendencies run amok! But seriously, both Monkey and Ollie are afraid of the vacuum cleaner. So I don't want to leave it just sitting out (plus admit it, unless it's a perfectly clean Dyson on display at MOMA, vacuum cleaners are ugly). But it will have to move from what is presently the "closet" in what is to become Monkey's Big Girl Room. And I use those quotation marks without a sense of irony: this f'ing closet is only 7.5 inches deep. So it's useful for holding the vacuum cleaner, the broom, wrapping paper, and random things like a soccor ball and Ollie's pet carrier. We'll figure out a way to use it for Monkey's clothing (since I know Nana is not going to stop buying pretty dresses for her beloved insane toddler!). But still............the vacuum cleaner. It haunts me! Argh.

Family Planning

Now that Monkey is verging on 14 months old, random strangers and acquaintances at work have decided that our family planning is fair game to discuss at all times.

Now, in general, asking someone if they are planning on having a second child isn't that big of a deal.

But, honestly, I think that the bland "so, when are you going to have another kid" question that the security guard at my building lobs at me weekly is annoying. Not because of the question, per se, but because of the presumption inherent in that question. It isn't IF, but rather WHEN. Kind of like asking someone when they stopped beating their wife.

Of course, some of the people I work with/near have NO tact. Like the receptionist that kindly pointed out last winter that I was "starting to show." And when I smiled and patted my then-slightly protruding belly, she corrected me and said "no dear, I meant here" as she patted her ass.

Yes, that's right folks, a nice little old lady told me I was getting fat when I was 5 months pregnant. For the record? That nice little old lady? She's dead to me.

What happens to you if you fail to flee to the suburbs after procreating

I'm from the midwest. There, in the land of sing-song norweigan accents, corn, smiling faces and grocery store clerks that always ask "so, how are ya?," daycare is a simpler thing. You have a child, call a few places, and when you go back to work, you bring your kid to the daycare you have selected with some diapers and formula/frozen breast milk, kiss them goodbye and then hop in your car as quickly as possible to drown out the wailing as you drive away to work. Fast forward about 8 hours, return from work and retrieve your child. Next day, same thing. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Here? No such luck. Here, in the city that I adore, daycare is a wee bit more difficult.

If you dare to stay in the city, and do not immediately flee to the suburbs after peeing on a stick and reading the tea leaves to ascertain that you are - indeed - knocked up, if you choose to raise your child in this city of sin and iniquity (heh, sin), then you more likely than not will have to suffer through what is euphemistically called the "phase-in" process at your daycare. At first I thought that was some strange rite of passage at only montessori daycares, but apparently it's contagious and all daycares are in on the collective madness.

Yes, of course, you could opt to use a nanny (or babysitter, you choose the term) for your little one. We did, but then we got into our first choice in daycare, a wonderful montessori that makes me want to regress so that I too can play with "manipulatives" (toys) have snacktime, naptime, and playing in the park time. (I'll talk about the nanny experience some other time, I'm sure.)

So we signed up, sent in a check, and looked forward to the start of the school year.

That's right, we waited for the start of the school year. All "new" kids start at school (daycare) the same day. So rather than being able to simply drop off the kid - you "phase in" the child.

First day, one hour.
Second day, two hours.
Third day, three hours.....
but, at any given point in time, if the child is not settling in well? They call you and you must immediatley retrieve your recalcitrant child. So essentially you either run the risk of needing to use all your vacation days, or, you have to have a backup plan. Montessori PLUS a nanny, or a grandma, etc. When does this process end? When the child successfully naps at school.

So, if have a child that doesn't like to nap (yes, hello, MONKEY, I am talking about you! my insane toddler declines to nap if there is an-eee-thing interesting going on) this process could go on all month long. Alllllll moooooonnnnntttthhhhh loooooooooonnnnnnngggggggggggg. Got a headache from reading that? You are welcome.

We are not even to day one yet. Last Thursday & Friday were "trial runs" with Monkey and some other newbies hanging out together for an hour, while mom/dad/caregivers were still in the room.

Tomorrow is day one. G*d help me, but if Monkey takes more than the month of September to "phase-in" to school I am going to...insert empty threat....

Also, the the whole starting on the same day thing? It means that if you have a child that is too young for the cutoff in September....you can't get the kid in for another YEAR. The term family planning takes on a whole new meaning here.

Crazy.