Charm School

This morning, as Monkey was finishing her breakfast, her hunger subsided and her sense of play (aka toddleritis) took over. In other words, she chucked everything on the floor.

Water bottle? Check. On the floor.

NYTimes? Check. On the floor and fanned out.

Crackers? Check. On the floor with crumbs in a 3 foot radius.

Apple sauce? Check, check and check. On her face, her hands, her jammies, the chair, the table AND the floor. And maybe Ollie, too (poor cat).

Using my stern mom voice I reminded her that "we do NOT throw food on the floor" yadda yadda etc. etc. etc.

I was quite close to her as I was saying this, since I had bent over to put my face next to hers to emphasize my point.

She looked at me very seriously, and nodded her head. Like, ok mama, I hear you.

Then she reached out with both apple-sauced hands, cradled my cheeks, and yelled "HELLO" while crinkling her nose. I must have had a funny look on my face, since she burst into laughter.

I got an apple-sauce facial, the floor needed to be washed, and we were late to school. But she was certainly charming!

Our neighbors are praying for spring

Monkey has a lot of energy. Even after a full day at school (8ish to almost 6), she still is rearing' to go!

Last night, 15 minutes before her scheduled bedtime, after "helping" with laundry, she still wasn't tuckered out. In fact, she spent ten minutes running up and down the hallway of our apartment, chortling and yelling “ahhh”…back and forth, back and forth. No reason, just because it was fun.

She didn't have any shoes on, but still, her little heels were pounding away on the hardwood floor.

I'm pretty sure that our downstairs neighbors are praying for spring, so Monkey can run outside instead of on top of their aching heads.

Funny little girl

Tonight it was my turn to put Monkey to bed. 

I rushed home from the gym, and settled into the glider with her on my lap, still in my sweaty gym clothes. She doesn't care and I love spending the time with her - showering can wait a few minutes.

We read Bear Snores On three times in a row. She loves to point out the mouse each time the little figure pops up. (Thanks to my friend Tracy for that book - she told me it was her son Matthew's favorite, and I can see why!)

I love how her mouth curls around the word "mouse" and spits it out, intact. It's a newer word to her, and one she relishes using.

She also relishes pulling one over on her mama. 

Yes, that's right, she played possum again tonight!

 I put her to bed, and instead of fussing she laid flat on her back, pulled her blanket over her eyes, and chortled! CHORTLED! The second I closed the door? She popped up, flipped on the light, and chortled again. I could hear her outside her door. She thinks she's so smart, that one. 

I do too. 

A new low

Monkey has reached a new low in deception. 

Each night, after we read to her, put her into her crib and say goodnight, she says "night night" and after we turn off the light she flicks the light back on. We turn it off, she turns it on. We turn it off one final time and then she says "bye bye" and (very clearly) dismisses us.

The minute we shut the door, she turns the light back on. Like we won't notice. 

But tonight? Tonight she took this deception to a new low.

M put her into the crib, she lay down on her side, and started making snoring noises. Matt even put the blanket on her. 

But the moment he shut the door?? Yeah, she turned on the light.

She made SNORING noises! To fake him out! Stinker. 

A Man and his Machines

True story. My colleague was on his way home from work when his panicked wife called from Rite Aid. She needed reinforcements, stat.

He immediately changed course and met her there, only to witness this debacle:



I am amazed to report that he successfully negotiated with his son and they *gasp* actually left RiteAid WITHOUT buying any cars, trucks, or other small items made in China that would immediately break apart and become an irresistable item to pop into one's mouth and possibly choke upon.

I want to take lessons from this man. Stat.

Barracuda

Monkey snuggled up to me this morning as I was washing the breakfast dishes. Smiling and chattering away, in a truly affectionate manner she grabbed my leg, leaned her whole body against me, and then pursed her lips to......... bite my thigh.

What, you thought she was going to give me a kiss? Yeah, me too.

She's found religion

We brought home the palm fronds from church yesterday. We figured, correctly, that Monkey would have fun playing with them.

What we didn't figure on? Was how much fun Ollie, our beloved cat, would also enjoy playing with them.

Monkey figured out that Ollie liked the chase the fronds, and the game was ON.

First, Monkey would dangle the frond. Ollie would pounce. Monkey would shriek. Then Ollie would run away from the noise. So Monkey would chase her, and shriek. Then, once the cat was good and cowering (in a corner, under the couch, etc.), Monkey would shriek and run away. The cat (bless her soul, for putting up with this....that or bless her walnut-sized brain!) would see the frond bouncing across the carpet, and pounce. Monkey would shriek some more.

Are you seeing the pattern here?

I wonder if I should search webMD for "toddler-induced temporary hearing loss"? Hmm? Sorry, couldn't hear you, speak up!

Leader of the Pack

Monkey was not the first kid on the block to learn to walk. In fact her cousin, who is about 3 weeks younger, started walking a full three months before she did! (yes, her cousin is super precocious! yo yo Emma D is in the HOUSE!!!! sorry, had to give her a shout out.)

Never the less, she is making up for lost time. In fact, she's now the leader of the pack. Literally.

At school (yes, daycare) they walk outside with these cute ropes interspersed with colored rings the kids hold on to - it makes it easier for their little hands and they get to have "their" color, so they are less likely to -oh, say, run into traffic. You know, little things like that.

I spoke with Monkey's teacher the other day, and she told me that when they are in a rush to get somewhere? They put Monkey in front....so she can drag everyone else along. And, apparently, they can't put her into the middle. She gets impatient and tries to pass the kids in front of her.

I have NO idea where she gets this appreciation for speed and the impatience of a gnat....oh good lord this posting is taking too long must go NOW!

heh.

A love letter

Monkey is a whirling dervish of a toddler. 

You know the kind, the ones that have the inherent ability to walk into a room and scatter its contents to the four corners of the world within 38 seconds? Yeah, that kind. Plus lately she's developed the superbad habit of getting up at 3am, crying for a bottle, and whipping herself into such a frenzy with her tantrum that it is often another 45-60 minutes before we can get back to bed. (and oh, I do hate that 3am siren. I just want to sleeeeeeppppp.......)

But the thing is, when she's healthy and in a good mood? She's so much fun you (almost) don't care!

Tonight we skipped the bath (she's clean enough and her skin is super dry after the weather we've had) and played together. Her new "thing" is to play "night night" which means getting up on Mama and Daddy's bed, saying "night night" and flinging herself onto the pillows, giggling madly. I pretend to sleep and make terrible snoring noises. And we lay on the bed laughing and exchanging funny looks, flopping up and down and being silly. 

I know that there are times that Monkey is just pissed off at me. And I fully expect that to continue. After all, I enforce the rules (as does M) and she will become (gulp!) a teenager eventually. 

But on nights like this? Where we hang out and giggle? I can't help but think that if she weren't my kid? I'd want her as my friend. She's just that damn cool. 

Right Said Fred*

So Monkey has a new word. There is only one slight wee problem with it - her pronunciation is not exaaaactly right. So what comes out of her mouth?

Um, yeah, it sounds like "sexy."

Do you know how hard it is to not giggle when your toddler chants "sexy, sexy" over and over again? Yeah, hard. Heh heh heh. Snort. (yes, I'm twelve)

* Come on, you don't remember their one-hit wonder??? Go on, google it...

Squeeky Clean

Monkey's so damn cute (see, above! how adorable is she? yes, shutup it's a rhetorical question....) when she's had a bath that sometimes, when she is back in her room yet still naked (sans diaper and jammies), sometimes, when she makes a break for it? I let her run.

Come on, you KNOW it's cute to have an 18 month old streaking! It just is.

Tonight, however, not 30 seconds after I told M how cute I thought she was? She peed on the floor. Well, actually, her bookcase AND the floor.

Streaking is officially over.

Playing Catch Up

For the second time in the span of four weeks I got the stomach flu. I'm now 5 lbs lighter. I would rather gnaw off my arm than lose weight this way. And I still can't stomach (ha, pun intended. ok, so my humor's still off, too. shoot me) anything other than saltines, bread, and oatmeal. Can I get some cheese with my whine? Thanks. So, let's play catch up:

1) We have scheduled a haircut for Monkey. Nana will be in town on that day, so she is going to come with us to distract Monkey from the scary machinations of the stylist (because considering how much she luuuuuuvs the stethoscope, I'm guessing she will also detest scissors). I will be capturing this blessed event on film. I think I need a before and after, to demonstrate just how freakishly long her hair is! Seriously, it is down past the middle of her back!

2) Monkey is not a fan of cinnamon. How do I know this? Um, well, errr.....let's just say that the garbage lid was open and resting on top of all the other detritus was a piece of well-chewed cinnamon trident. And leave it at that. Ahem.

3) M is a super star. After tending to Monkey and feeding me sprite for two days (plus tending to Monkey when I was in my photography class last night), he is tuckered out. But he's also Monkey's favorite. This morning I picked her up out of the crib and she didn't even bother to say "hello" before she started hollering for daddy. Awww.

4) Monkey's favorite word continues to be "robot." This makes me giggle. She was hollering it over and over this morning as she dug through the bucket of flashcards (strewing them about like she was threshing wheat, sigh) until she found the robot flashcard. Then, beaming with pride, she marched over to me and showed me the robot. This kid cracks me up!

And last, but certainly not least....

5) Dun dun dun..............Monkey USED THE POTTY! And we didn't even quite realize it! Yes, I know we collectively have two BAs, a JD, a PhD, a MS, and a CFA (we like school, shush!) but that doesn't mean we're, like, smart-smart. Here's the story: Monkey tugged at her diaper, so we asked her (on a lark) if she wanted to use the potty. She nodded yes, so M took her into the bathroom and helped her get her pants and diaper off. She sat on the potty. I wandered in at this point. And Monkey wanted toilet paper, to wipe herself. So I let her. She has done this before, imitating me, so I didn't think much of it. Her bath was running so in she went. And about a minute later I noticed that there was some liquid in the potty. I thought it was splashed bathwater! Until I poured it into the toilet for confirmation (yellow, yup it's pee!). Meanwhile we didn't even bother to congratulate her because we didn't know it was happening. Still, I am SO proud of her!

That's all I remember from the last few days. I'm sure I'll think of something interesting once I am not addled by lack of sleep and proper nutrition. Byeee!