Sleep, blessed sleep

So after taunting the gods, M was a little bit tired last night.

So tired that the first thing he said to me this morning was "I am SO SORRY I didn't get up with you last night. I was just....asleep."

The "I was just...asleep" part is what cracks me up. So eloquent. So true. So....damn obvious last night as he was snoring to high heaven! (we're lucky we still have paint on the walls....)

Dude, knock on wood next time!

Tempting the gods, or, he'll never say THAT again

So this weekend was a bit of a repeat of last weekend:

1) We had a sick daughter and visited the pediatrician. Copious amounts of ibuprofin were consumed.

2) We had a sick cat and visited the veterinarian. Copious amounts of 409 cleaner were used to wipe up cat vomit.

3) Aaaaaaannnnnddd........we didn't get that much sleep. Understatement. HUGE understatement.

M got less sleep than me, because in a fit of absolute generosity he let me sleep in on Sunday AND take a nap. Which greatly helped alleviate the exhaustion I was suffering from being 1) 8.5 months pregnant and 2) getting the crappiest nights of sleep I've had in ages, compliments of crying child and puking cat. (See #1 & #2, above, for details.)

Now, my brain is pretty much addled today because I've been up since 4:30am (see #1, above). But I am pretty sure that sometime this weekend, M commented to me that's he's getting used to this no-sleep business. You know, like it's no big deal. And then, right on cue, we had some of the crappiest nights of sleep in ages.

WOE. We should NOT be tempting the gods like that. I'm betting that right about now, as the afternoon wears on and on and the sky gets dark, that M is really wishing he'd bitten his tongue. Or knocked on wood. You know, something, ANYTHING!, to rebut his nonchalant statement that he could handle no sleep.

Here we go again

I feel like we should put the pediatrician on speed dial.

It is 4am and I am wide awake after settling Monkey back down. She has been alternating between awesome, cranky and listless the last two days - but no fever - so we've just chalked it up to being two.

But tonight as she went to bed she complained that her ears hurt.

Poor little girl. She had some ibuprofin around 9pm as we were trying to settle her down for the night, and sure enough, 6 hours later when the meds wore off she woke up crying. Tylenol this round. Doctors office in the morning.

Meanwhile, Ollie has spent the greater part of the last two days puking first hair balls and then just bile.

And I am awake. Wishing I could make all my creatures feel better.

As soon as my tylenol eases my headache I'll crawl back into bed.

Dawn breaks early in the swamp. See you all in two hours.........

Bread and Jam

All I can tell you is that laughing when you are more than 35 weeks pregnant is a fun adventure. Your belly moves up and down and you can't breath. And that is, in and of itself, also funny. So you laugh some more....

Why was I laughing? Well, if you must know: Monkey loves bread and jam. So much so that I had to ask her to BLOW her nose.....................

..........you know, so I could get the jam out. She was eating it a bit - um - exuberantly this morning.

Whoops

Remember back in elementary school, when you first started having crushes on the opposite sex? And how there were some kids that just didn't quite know how to express their admiration for that special someone, and went a little overboard? And how there was always one little girl or boy that EVERYONE loved, and they got a little pissy about it?

That's Ollie. She's that special someone.

I say this because the love fest between Monkey and Ollie continues unabated.

But Monkey just....doesn't quite know how to woo Ollie.

I mean, she gets it in principle, but it doesn't always work out in practice.

Which is why she spent a good amount of time chasing Ollie around the apartment last night, hollering "SORRY SORRY SORRY OLLIE CAT" at the top of her lungs. As poor Ollie ran for the hills and looked at me balefully. Like it was MY fault that Monkey kept trying to play with her with the new cat wand, and you know, kept beaning her in the head.

Sheesh cat, glare at M - he's the one that paid for the damn toy.

Another GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!

Huzzah! My little brother and his gorgeous wife (parents to HP) are having a girl! (And she's healthy - that's really the best part of their scan today.)

The tribe of bossy girls is growing. God, this is going to be fun. And OHMYGOD are the teen years going to be interesting!

My Ollie Cat

Ollie, our beloved geriatric cat (even when she misbehaves, she's still loved) has always been "my" cat.

M likes to joke that she wants to kill him off, so that she can have his side of the bed. And, admittedly - when he's out of town? Ollie sleeps on his side of the bed, purring away and thrilled at the complete access to me. She'd sleep ON me, but this whole "sleep on your left side or kill your unborn child schtick" makes it hard to perch on me. And yes, I'm REALLY looking forward to sleeping on my back again.

Sunday we took Ollie into the vet for her annual physical, shots and teeth-cleaning. Monkey came with us, since her frighteningly high fever of the day before (104.8 and boy is that spooky - her pediatrician had to assure me that her brain was not cooking in its own juices) was down to a reasonable 99-100 or so. She got a little clingy/whiney so I brought her into the examination room with me while Ollie got the sedative shot so she could get her teeth cleaned. (what, you think that otherwise she'd willingly LET them clean her teeth? um yeah, she's old, not docile!)

Monkey seemed ok with this, but when we left to get lunch at a local diner (to return an hour later to retrieve Ollie), she was bereft. She was crying over and over for "my Ollie cat" and saying "I want my kitty cat."

M and I looked at each other and smiled. Our hearts were simultaneously breaking and expanding with joy. Monkey loves Ollie! We never knew just how attached she was to Ollie until right then.

Ollie is no longer "my" cat. She belongs to Monkey.

Treat her well my daughter. Give her lots of love and affection. Comb and pet her beautiful fur gently. Feed her treats.

And remember, when you wave the cat dancer toy, try not to bean her on the head with the stick each time....or "your" cat might just bite you. With love, of course!

There's a bad moon on the rise

Yesterday when I picked Monkey up from school she was doing a great job of walking down the street and holding my hand. So I told her that. And added that I was very proud of her.

As I was drawing breath to say "you are such a big girl" - which is the text that always follows "I'm proud of you" - Monkey interrupted me.

In a calm voice she said three sentences. Three short sentences that caused my hair to stand on end.....even as I wanted to laugh out loud.

What did she say to cause apprehension to coil in my belly?

1) I'm not a big girl.
2) I'm not a sister.
3) No baby.

And then she just calmly kept walking.

29 days to go until #2 arrives. We are SO in for it.

My life in text messages...

(late last night):

Txt to Heather: She won't lay down and is sitting in bed reading to herself....it's been an hour. G#d help me she is going to be the death of me.

(early this morning):

Txt to Heather: She slept!!!! 1030 to 540am!!!!!

Txt from Heather: Congrats!!
Txt from Heather: And...Ollie?

Txt to Heather: Ollie was good too!!!

Txt from Heather: So I guess no ebay today.

Txt to Heather: Nope. Ask again tomorrow.

Phew

So it is almost 4pm............and NO CALL from Monkey's school! Huzzah! Croup did not ruin her nap and day and cause them to call me saying my child was turning blue and couldn't breath.

Not that my tired brain would imagine such dire situations. Nope, I'm all sunshine and optimism when I am operating on 4.5 hours of interrupted sleep.

That is all folks. I take my victories as they come.

Invitation to my pity party?

I am 34 weeks pregnant and in addition to general intestinal misery, my body hurts. Sleep is elusive, even when I am in bed.

My cat keeps taking dumps on the floor of the bathroom in the middle of the night.

M, my beloved husband, is on the other side of the world (Geneva, Switzerland).

Monkey now has croup. After steaming her, I sat in her room and listened to her breath for a few hours last night. You know, to make sure she COULD breath. Croup is spooky in the middle of the night.

I am extraordinarily busy at work.

I just want to not be me right now.

You bring the cheese, I'll bring the whine............

Cat (gently used) 4 Sale - CHEAP!

So, the adventure continues. Monkey woke at 4am. But (thank G*D I'm getting better at this middle of the night crap...just in time for #2) I got her to sleep and was back in bed by 4:45am. SUCESSS! I ROCK!!!

Yeah. Until some 20 odd minutes later when I was woken out of what was promising to become a deep slumber by my CAT. YOWLING. In that exact same high pitch that sounds like Monkey keening.....so of course I bolted straight up, convinced she was awake again. Pulse racing, I verified that Monkey was still sleeping and went back to bed.

Heartburn. OK, up for some medicine and a glass of milk. Feed the cat and return to bed yet again. It is now 5:25am.

Lay awake for a few minutes.....and then smell something suspiciously similar to cat shit wafting through the air...but hear nothing, no litter being scratched. Get up to investigate and voila! Cat shit on the bathmat. Why? No clue - the f'ing litter box is right there, clean, and Ollie has been fed.

I fume. I put on gloves to clean the mess up (since - OH YES, it IS so - M is out of town) and officially give up on sleeping.

Check email and learn M landed in Geneva safely. Reply with growly email about wanting to sell cat to the gypsies. Consider posting an add on Craig's List for gently used cat.

5:45am. Hop in shower and pray Monkey won't wake up while I'm in there. Take the world's fastest shower and pop out to.....silence.

Creep around the apartment. Verify that child and cat and now both sleeping, blissful and adorable in their repose.

It's a damn good thing, too, or the gypsies would totally be raking it in this week...

The four horses of the apocalypse

I could hear their hoofs drumming down the hallway last night. You know, between the hours of 2am and 4:30am when Monkey was WIDE AWAKE and throwing a tantrum instead of self-soothing and going back to bed.

Either that, or it was my pulse throbbing behind my eyeballs as I was simultaneously exasperated, sympathetic, generally pissed off AND exhausted. Sure sounded like horses to me....

Of course, true to form she woke up in a spectacular mood. Charming, cheerful, happy to see us, and a complete and utter pleasure to be around. She even begged for an extra goodbye kiss from her Daddy.


Shoot, just as I was planning on selling her to the gypsies....

Must....get....sleep

So, the whole Big Girl Bed experiment continues.

Sleep has become a hit or miss experience recently....

We have had some success.

We've had some failures.

Today started at 3:30am. Monkey woke up. Got worked up. Begged for Mommy. Begged for Daddy. Whined for bread and jam. Whinged for the DVD "Ice Age." Devolved into the most spectacular tantrum I've ever seen her throw. And then ended up sleeping, blissfully, in my lap, from 5:15am to 6:45am.

M did not sleep. I slept a wee bit, when she was in my lap. As much as I could considering I had 50 lbs of baby pressing down on my (full) bladder. I'm sure Jellybean appreciated the company but DUDE WE ARE SO F'ING TIRED NOW.........

So tired, in fact, that this morning M managed to put on a black belt and brown shoes. I know, I know.........the world stopped spinning and went backwards there for a moment. He would NEVER do that in real life.

Hmm, wow - where to start

Yikes. So much to post in a few short days!

1) Monkey is not a fan of daylight savings and insists on waking up at 5:30am. Oy.

2) Monkey is a rock star (and, she'll actually say that to you - it's freakin' hilarious!) and moved into the Big Girl Bed in the Big Girl Room (capitalization on purpose!). The crib and nursery are no longer in use. Except to hold the boxes of stuff that belong to Jellybean.

3) Now that Monkey is in the Big Girl Bed, naps are a wee bit unstructured. (Oh, I know this because her school was closed on Election Day for parent-teacher conferences). And by unstructured I mean that I was in there with her for - hmmmm - oh AN HOUR AND A HALF convincing her to be quiet. Because the ability to gather MORE BOOKS was damn-near frying her brain from the excitement. Exhaustion finally over took her and she fell asleep with 17 books in her Bed with her. I know this because I counted them. And, while this is so ridiculous it is sublime, I confess that I kind of find it adorable. I love books that much, too. What can I say, she's my kid!

4) And, on the topic of being my kid.....I am no longer numero uno in her world. Daddy is. She's hurt? She asks for daddy. She's mad at me? She asks for daddy. She wakes up cranky (see #1, above) and needs a little love before the day starts? Yup, she wants her daddy. And every time she pushes me away and yowls for daddy? My heart melts a little bit. My time away in Denver really re-uppped their bond. And to quote Martha, "it's a good thing."

5) Now, to quote my beloved little brother? "Nicely done America!" I am proud to say that I am still wearing my Obama '08 button. I don't know that I want to take it off. And if you want to know why M and I got no sleep election night? Check out this link - between the students cheering, the media heliocopters filming the celebration in Harlem, and the impromptu parade down our block at 12:30am, we got no sleep. And it was worth it!

Say my name, say my name

An update. Monkey has revised her name of her baby sister.

She is now officially known as "jelly bean." And I have no idea why.

Five, Six, Seven, Eight, we won't nap or sleep in late!

Ugh. I was going to call this post "A death in the family" but thought that might startle readers.....because it's the death of the nap, the beloved beloved DEEPLY NEEDED nap. Not a human. Although it might be the death of me. Heh.

That's right. Monkey is on a nap strike. Commence wailing and gnashing of teeth and demonstrations of anguish and desolation.

On both Saturday and Sunday, the only way I could get her to go down for a nap was to hold her in my lap until she was asleep, and then gently lower her into the crib. I'm surprised that my legs are still attached; both times I stood up and almost keeled over, having lost all feeling in the leg that was under Monkey. Only the the unpleasant pins-and-needles sensation of blood reanimating my leg let me know it was still there.

Then, the nap strike bled into bedtime. Saturday night did not go well. She stood in her crib and screamed bloody murder. Last night was worse. We started the process at 8pm and THREE HOURS LATER she fell asleep. At least I think it was 11pm. It may have actually been later. I don't know. I should have been asleep at 9pm myself, so forgive me for being a wee bit tired. M was beyond exhausted, but managed to sweet talk Monkey into staying in her crib while he read to her from the chair. And she fell asleep.

I think our neighbors hate us; during that three hour period I think she may have screamed for an hour or two. Straight.

We figured she'd sleep in this morning, only to be summoned at 5:50am.(Daylight savings is not our friend.)

Here's hoping that this is a phase. A brattalicious hellacious phase. Please?

Building Forts. Or, how to make a shambles of my living room in 30 seconds or less.....

A story in pictures:

Going green

I grew up in a household that believed in saving on electric bills. Which is to say that an an early age, I got into the good habit of turning lights off that weren't in use. Of course now it is as much about going "green" as it is saving on bills, but still - now that I pay the bills? SO glad this is an ingrained habit.

Monkey, on the other hand, isn't quite as enamored of my frugality. Mostly because I turned the lights off on her last night when I walked out of the kitchen.

The indignant "lights, please?!!!" was priceless. I was still chuckling 5 minutes later.