Gravity

The stomach flu is making its way through Manhattan. Monkey was a recent victim and spent an evening throwing up. She was a trooper, poor thing. And soon it was over.

Leaving me with one question as we cleaned up. Why, why, why doesn't kid puke follow the regular rules of gravity?

I mean seriously....it practically ended up on the ceiling.

Verdict: two

Jellybean had a rough day at school this past Tuesday. We talked about it that evening.

She told me "I yelled at my teachers" and "I threw my lunch on the floor." When I asked why, she said "I was sad."

So, just to be on the safe side, I took Jellybean to the doctor yesterday to rule out strep throat, burst eardrums, etc. (she's been full of boogers for almost 3 weeks now). The pediatrician recommended Claritin.

And the final diagnosis for her terrible day of tantrums and defiance?

Says the doctor: "Well, she IS two."

My girls

Sunday was a rough day. We essentially cancelled Jellybean's second birthday party because she was just freakin' miserable. Fever, cough, boogers like snakes trying to charm her upper lip. Good times. I couldn't walk out of her line of sight without her going ballistic. And yet? It was perfect. She turned two and we celebrated, albeit quietly. She smiled (a bit), hugged us (a lot), and tried to enjoy her (demanded, and delivered) chocolate. That's my girl.

It's a good thing we called off the party, too. Because that evening? Monkey came down with the stomach flu. She puked one, took it like a champ, and went back to bed. But then....she continued puking. And puking. About every 30 minutes from 10:30pm - 3:30am. At the end she was dry heaving - more tears were making it into the bucket than anything else. She told me "it's hard being sick." So it is love, so it is. But the amazing part was when she figured out that I was "sleeping" on the floor of the front room where we'd sequestered her - and she commented that "daddy and jellybean must be lonely tonight" since we weren't with them. That's my girl.

They're my girls. Our girls. And they're perfect.  (and - knock on wood - healthy again! phew)

Hello....anyone still out there?

I know, it's been radio silence. Hope readers still exist...

We've been busy. I'm on augmentin for a sinus/bronchitis infection and am feeling much better (aw, thanks for asking!)  - as a result I once again have the mental capacity to actually note the happenings in our lives....going to bed 38 seconds after the kids do leaves little time for things like blogging. Or, you know, life.

But life has been happening! Let me fill you in:

Jellybean broke my nose. She head butted me. (stop laughing, little brother!) I have been calling her a butthead at work for the past two weeks and only today did anyone get the joke. Head butt....butthead. Oh g*d my jokes are bad that I need to explain them! (I'm here all week! don't forget to tip your waitress! har)

But, no joke here - we're potty training our Jellybean! She's had three days at school without an accident! She's my big girl. We started this process at the prompting of her school - and also because she won't tolerate a dirty diaper. The kicker was that she kept taking off poopy diapers and I had to go find the - ahem - nuggets that rolled away. That was pretty motivating, between you and me.

Monkey wants in on all the praise we're heaping on Jellybean for using the potty - so now she offers to "show her sister how to use the potty" each time she heads in. And what the heck - she's a great role model, so we praise her. I love that kid. And I'm not the only one...

It's amazing how much Jellybean adores her big sister. She wants to sit by her at breakfast. She wants to wear her big sister's clothing to school (she wore two of Monkey's pj tops to school today. Yes, that's right, two. And yes, Jellybean is now picking out her clothes. sigh)

Anything that Monkey does? So does Jellybean. It's (no pun intended) monkey see, monkey do. And it's adorable. We used to think we had Jellybean for Monkey, but I think it's the other way around.

Monkey is thriving at school. We just signed her up for summer camp, and part of it will be Spanish immersion. I give her about 6 months before she starts teaching me things to say in Spanish, and tricks me (you know, like the lead in My Big Fat Greek Wedding who says "I have three testicles" to his fiancee's family....funny).

Monkey has also bought into the Santa thing, hook line and sinker. I was talking to her the other day, suggesting that if she was good maybe Santa would bring her and Jellybean a table that they could do artwork on together, and wouldn't that be fun...and she sighed, said yes it would be great, but "how will Santa get it down the chimney? the chimney is only 18 inches wide!!" Funny kid. Especially since we don't have a chimney!

Old man winter

I really thought that we were done with winter. No more snow. No more sniffles. The end of boogers and misery.

Nope. Just like the weather pulled a fast one on us, going from 90 and sunny to 50 and cold/rainy, the effects of winter have lingered on. Long past when I wanted them to leave. The boogers? They have officially OUTSTAYED their welcome.

I should confess, however, that now, NOW both girls are fine. Well, at least they were when I dropped them off at daycare this morning. Who the heck knows now!

We've had more colds, another ruptured ear drum (poor Jellybean), followed by an upset tummy from Augmentin (to treat said ear infection/rupture), then the stomach flu that went from Jellybean to me to M, and then Monkey got a bad cold/croup, rallied and then crashed so hard (high fever) she fell asleep STANDING UP on the stroller on the way home from a picnic.

Phew.

Can summer come out and play now? Winter/boogers are no longer welcome at our home.

HUH?

So Monkey had a ruptured eardrum back in December. Plus a variety of colds that caused her to use up more tissues that the entire country of Denmark uses in a given year, give or take.

For the last two months, she's been saying "huh?" a lot, and complaining she couldn't hear her TV show.

Two things happened yesterday that have greatly relieved our concern that something might be wrong with her hearing:

1) Turns out that two of our speakers in the living room weren't really working. Oh. Glad we plugged those wires back in.

AND

2) She passed her hearing test at the pediatrician with flying colors.

So, as it turns out, when she says "huh?" when I tell her its time to stop playing and pick up, or go to bed?

Yeah, that's called selective hearing. She's ignoring me.

I've been missing you........

This past month has been hard. We’ve suffered through a slew of illnesses; I joked that it was the cold that kept on giving, as we all seemed to rotate who was sickest, who was on antibiotics, who was crankiest. But now, in the fresh New Year, we’re all on the mend. And it is about freakin’ time! I’m sick of being sick. Done. DONE, do you hear me?

It’s always rough to watch your kids when they are sick. You are helpless to do much other than offer hugs (when they’ll take them) and offer sustenance – food, shelter, a warm bath. Maybe a few DVDs of Pixar movies. You try to be kind when you give them medicine, and try not to be forced to pin them to the floor with your knees while one hand holds their mouth/eyelid open and the other drops in medicine. You get good about enticing them to take their medicine – coloring it purple, covering it in chocolate haagen daaz ice cream. You do whatever it takes.

But that takes something out of you, in return.

For the last month, Monkey has been a bit of a pill. Rather…..unenjoyable at times. And I’ve been telling other friends that are parents that 3? 3 is REALLY hard. And worse, that I don’t really like 3. I love my child, but don’t like 3. And that made me feel bad. Rotten, in fact. Like I was betraying my child to say I wasn’t enjoying every single second of my time with her….even if what I wasn’t enjoying was the temper tantrums and tears, the crabbiness and drama.

But for the last week? Yes, 3 has been hard at times, but it’s also been…..magical.

Monkey has violent swings of emotions all 3 year olds experience - yes they are still there - but we’ve been able to move past them. And we’ve moved past them into fun, imaginative, magical play.

I celebrated my 40th birthday this past Monday, and spent most of my day playing with my girls. My two, beautiful, fun girls.

And other than my heart swelling up and breaking into a million little pieces when they hug each other or fall into one another’s arms giggling, the most prevalent emotion I’ve felt is something akin to recognition. As in – hey, I recognize you, kid – and I’ve missed you! I’ve been lonely, missing my happy Monkey. God, am I glad she’s back!

(Until the next cold….that is. Knocking on wood, here.)

Home again

We're back. You didn't know we left? Well, we did. We snuck off to Washington, D.C., for a little family vacation.

What did we do? We went to museums, and kicked some snow around, and ate Trader Joe's macaroni and cheese, and watched Monsters, Inc.... and what? What's that, you say?

You say our vacation sounds EXACTLY like stuff we can do here at home in little ol' New York City? Hmmmm. OK, busted. You're right.

But there, you see, someone came in every single day and tidied up after us. They made our beds, gave us new clean towels, ran the dishwasher....yes, dish washer.....and OMG SQUEEEEEE there was a washer and a dryer IN THE APARTMENT we rented. I though I'd died and gone to heaven. I came home with MORE clean clothes than I left with! (so my jeans were dirty...sue me, I was on vacation and everyone has a cold so if I stunk they wouldn't have even noticed! so there, ha!). Yes, I know. It was nirvana.....a constantly cleaned environment with cleaning appliances at my fingertips.....an anal-retentive's nirvana, but nirvana none the less!

We went to the Smithsonian and saw Dorothy's ruby slippers from the Wizard of Oz. Man, that Judy Garland had tiny feet - size 5! Monkey's face was priceless when she figured out what we were standing in line for all that time.

We went to the Museum of Natural History, saw the White House, the Capital, Washington Monument, the reflecting pool (minus the Octopus from Night of the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonium, a movie Nana just gave us for Christmas), kicked around on the Mall, and generally just farted around. It was nice.

The girls really bonded. They wrestled, battled over toys, tickled each other, and had a lot of fun. Monkey told us, in a heart-breakingly precious moment, that she couldn't wait for Jellybean to get older so they could walk and hold hands together. I know! Seriously sweet. I'm going to bottle that feeling and try to break it out when they're 15 & 13 and scratching each other's eyes out.

As we rolled into town today, after a seriously hassle-free trip back (in comparison to our death march on the way there - ugh), M asked Monkey what her favorite part of the vacation was.

"Playing in her closet" was the answer. Of course it was.

Merry Christmas everyone. We're too tired to send cards...

So here's the deal. We aren't sending out Christmas/Hannukah/New Year's Eve cards this year. We're too tired.

Monkey is on tamiflu, Jellybean isn't but we're watching her, we haven't slept well in about 4 weeks because of burst eardrums and pinkeye and fevers and boogers and now, quite possibly, the swine flu. And in between we've had a lovely vist with Auntie G and celebrated Jellybean's first birthday and went out dancing (YES! like ADULTS) for M's work holiday party and.....yawn, we're tired. So, no cards.

It's not because we don't love you all. WE REALLY DO. I really wish I had captured that perfect moment when Monkey and Jellybean smiled and giggled together, put it with some pithy quote and then managed to write a personal note to each and everyone one of you. Because really, you all deserve that sort of personal attention. But no, no card.

It's not you, it's us.

Magic

This past week was a little rough, health-wise. After 10 days of the sniffles, Jellybean got two ear infections.

Not to be competitive or anything, but Monkey had to one-up her little sister and get an ear infection that ruptured her eardrum. OW!

Of course, we never knew that Monkey had an ear infection in the first place. We just attributed her general attitude to being an insane three year old!

Whoops.

Both girls got antibiotics, and Jellybean takes hers without complaint; to be honest, I thinks he kind of likes the flavor!

Monkey - not so much.

The first day she whined, whinged and threw a heckuva tantrum for at least 45 minutes, refusing to take the medicine. At one point I found myself threatening to hold her down and inject the medicine into her mouth with a syringe, the same way I give medicine to Jellybean - can you imagine how awful that would have been? Child protective services would have heard the screaming way out in New Jersey on that one, if it had come to pass.....

But then, in her trembling voice, Monkey complained that the medicine was white! (she's used to the purple tylenol and ibuprofin....)

Oh. OK then.

1 minute later I presented her with PURPLE medicine. She was impressed, and wanted to know how I did that!

MAGIC I said, palming the food coloring. Magic.

She took the medicine and declared it to be tasty, like lemonade.

Damn, I'm good sometimes.

All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth, my Two Front Teeth....

So. Can we talk about Jellybean’s tushie for a minute here? I know, I know, just WAAAY too much sharing going on here. But really – let’s talk.

For the past two or more weeks, this kid has been teething. Not “kind of” teething. Not teething “a little bit.” But HARDCORE teething that drives her so mad with itchiness and sore gums she’s repeatedly:

1) chewed on my collarbone (um, ow);

2) thrown her head back in the air and bared her gums as if airing them out would magically make the itchiness go away (imagine a lion roaring and you’re close to the image you should have – it would be impressive if it wasn’t so funny);

3) gnawed on her pacifier, her toys, her clothing, her fingers, the palm of her hand, my hair, my clothing, my fingers, the spoon……anything that can be shoved into her maw; and

4) wait for it………had constant awful teething diarrhea.

Yup, diarrhea. Ruin your clothing diarrhea. Make a mess on the crib-sheets diarrhea. Wake you up at night diarrhea. Wake mom and dad up at night diarrhea (ok, maybe just mom). And…..give you diaper rash so bad diarrhea that poor Jellybean is now on her SECOND kind of prescription butt-cream.

Ow.

For the record, she’s completely on the mend. And M and I won’t be traumatized (forever) by the image of the raw, open, skin on her bottom. (gah, just typing that makes me shudder. It was so bad that it made my physically ill to think about it, still does to be honest).

And now? Finally? SHE HAS A TOOTH! A chopper on the top!!

...............
..........................
......................................................oh wait. One.

Yeah, one.

Crap. How many more teeth does she have to go?

Chicken soup has nothing on this...

I caught some bug and am still not up to speed. The vertigo is gone and I can function, but I'm exhausted. Which is why I'll take medicine in any form, including love and laughter.

Monkey has been supplying both to me - it's better than chicken soup for what ails me!

I wasn't able to bring to girls into school Friday morning, so M did the duty (thanks love, I needed your help) and dropped them off at school.

When I picked the girls up that afternoon, I felt better but still pretty wretched. Just wrung-out and beat-up. But I got to tell you, when I went into the gym to grab Monkey she FLEW across the room, running into my arms and asking "mommy, do you feel better now?" It was awesome. Just pure love.

Then, on the way home, we were walking a bit slower than usual and I declined Monkey's offer to run with her (as I was carrying Jellybean in the ergo, plus all their stuff and my purse - the normal sherpa-mommy routine). She asked why and I explained that I wasn't feeling great.

She wanted to know why. So, I told her that I'd caught a bug.

"Hmmm. Well, I've caught a bug, too!" she declared. I confess, I thought that this conversation was not going to end well.

But, then she turned to me and brightly chirped "my bug is a ladybug - what's yours?"

I about fell over laughing. Thanks kid, that was exactly what I needed.

The rumors of our death have been greatly exaggerated

So, yes, we're all still here.

And still doing well, considering.......that in the last two weeks we've had:

4 colds
3 cases of pinkeye (sorry, Grandma!)
1 ear infection
1 (stomach, not swine) flu
1 "really bad throat" (likely strep)
............and a partridge in a pear tree. ha!

Rainbows and Unicorns and gratitude

I'll start with the fact that all my girls are OK! Everyone is home and healthy and no one is in the NICU or suffering from anything other than the normal indignities associated with being a kid (stuffy nose, diaper rash, etc.). But it's been a week.

Now, when I say "all" I do mean all - Monkey and Jellybean, Bunny, HP & lil' B, E & M - all are OK. Heck, the boys are ok, too! We're all good.

But it's been one of those weeks where you step back and think, my god, I am so grateful that they are healthy. And realize how you have taken that for granted.

I post funny (or not) stories on this blog about what my girls are up to, what we're up to, and mainly I focus on the lighter side of things. I use this forum as a replacement for the emails to my family and friends that would have "you won't believe this one..." in the re: line. I originally started this blog because I was tired (or lazy, or efficient, you pick) of sending and resending the same updates over email. This was a consolidator - people could check in as they wanted, read or ignore what they wanted, and I had the fun of writing again. I do like to write. And lord only knows, my girls do provide me with some funny material!

But over this past week there have been some things that made me sad. Two people that I know, friends but not close friends, people whom I respect and admire and can tell a few funny stories about, have announced that they are pregnant and carrying baby girls diagnosed with Trisomy 18. This is a condition the doctors refer to as "incompatible with life." It doesn't get much starker than that.

Two people I don't know, but whose blogs I have read, lost their babies. And reading about it just made me cry.

And then my brother and his wife watched their newborn being whisked away from their hospital room, some 10 hours after she was born, because she stopped breathing and turned blue. 'lil B is home, safe and sound, and noisily demanding to be nursed, so they are all good. But still, holding that cell phone in my hand when my panicked brother told me she'd turned blue and they didn't know what was going on, that was terrifying. My heart broke to hear the fear in his voice.

I talked with my BFF "But Why Mommy" earlier this week and told her that I couldn't take any more sadness. That I was full up on tears, thank you. So do you know what she did? She wrote a post to make me smile. That's a really good friend. And it worked - I smiled!

So this post is about gratitude. I am grateful that my loved ones are OK. I am grateful that my friends love me enough to make me smile.

I am just...grateful.

But don't worry, we will soon return to our regularly-scheduled broadcast of insanity.

SNOW DAY

WHEEE!!!!!!! It is Monkey's first snow day - ever! School got cancelled. The streets are clogged with snow, not cars. People are wandering about with goofy grins on their faces. And there is a TON of beautiful snow on the ground. Ahhh, about time.

Last night was a rough night. Monkey woke up crying, came into our room and promptly vomited on our carpet. Poor thing. She slept with bucket in her bed but other than that bout of vomiting she had a good night. She even asked me to snuggle with her to make her feel better as she drifted off to sleep. Yes I know this was her being a wee bit manipulative....but who can say no to a lovely request like that after a 2am bout of vomiting? Really, you'd have to be heartless to not give in!

This morning we snuggled, read books, did puzzles, watched Shaun the Sheep (by the Wallace and Grommit folks), and then when she started to perk up - we went out to play in the snow!

Awesome. We jumped in the snow, threw it around, played archeologist and uncovered items to see what they were....

and we learned NOT to eat yellow snow. eeesh.

Jellybean, true to her mellow nature, slept through our outside adventure and has been talking to her sister all morning long. I swear to g*d she likes the company!

A Norwegian Holiday

My mom was visiting this past week. M had to travel for work so she came out to help with the two girls. We had to beg, a lot, to get her to come out and visit, as you can imagine! She loved every minute of it.

Well, maybe not EVERY moment.

See, I took this opportunity to get a lot of work done around the apartment - basically, my mom went on a Norwegian holiday.

This, for those of you who haven't heard this expression before, is where you go visit a friend or family member....and they put you to work!

We:
* bleached the walls and ceiling in the bathroom
* primed the walls and ceiling in the bathroom
* rearranged the junk drawer
* wrapped and mailed presents for cousins HP and E
* did several loads of laundry
* had multiple doctors appointments (for me and also Jellybean, who has pinkeye - just like her big sister. ugh)
* did tons of other stuff

I am SO happy! We puttered around and really accomplished a lot! I know, I know, only someone as anal as me would be thrilled to do chores - but the ugly black mildew on the walls and ceiling of my bathroom is gone! My bathroom is pretty again! Wheee!! Thanks Grandma.

B.R.A.T.

B.R.A.T.

Nope, not talking about my kids. Although, WOW, Monkey threw a whopper of a tantrum last night. More about that later.

No, BRAT refers to the diet I am on....bananas, rice, apples and tea. I managed to catch the nastiest stomach flu I have ever had, ever. And BRAT is the diet the doctor recommended to combat the - ahem - symptoms. Yummy. But - huzzah!!!!!!! I successfully avoided going to the ER (negotiated with my doctor on that one...) And, even better - I didn't puke on Jellybean! And let me tell you, that was an accomplishment. Trust me on this one. It got bad enough that I was scared at my ability to care for Jellybean (I almost dropped her when I tried to stand up and couldn't) and made M come home from work. Never done that before. Hope I never have to do it again. Also hope to avoid a fever of 103 again....that sucked. And god did it feel good when I finally showered off the stink of fever-sweat.

But, huzzah! I didn't throw up on Jellybean while nursing! And so far, no one else is sick. I have my fingers crossed that they continue that way. I about jump out of my skin every time Jellybean spits up a bit....

And, I have to tell you, Monkey has been so damn sweet to me. The other night, when M was explaining to Monkey that I was sick, she gave me the most amazing sweet look and then.....offered me her blankie and favorite baby doll. I about cried from happiness...that was the most amazing gesture. She really thought it would make me better, since it makes her feel better. Who knew that an insane two year old could be empathetic? She amazes me.

The empathy isn't the only thing that amazes me. It also amazes (and pleases, to tell you the truth) that the ULTIMATE possible punishment we can mete out to Monkey is....removing her books! Yow. Who knew! (last night she threw herself on the floor screaming and kicking, you know, because I told her that her toothbrush has to stay in the bathroom and, well, it went downhill from there...stellar performance, worthy of an academy award, and by far the biggest tantrum she's thrown yet). Taking away her books was the straw that broke the camel's back.....got to say, I love that she loves her books that much!

And, finally, I just want to note how wonderful M has been to me. Have I mentioned how much I love him lately? Well, I should.

On being two....

So earlier today I mentioned that Monkey is two. With a cold. And teething.

Which........led to 25 minutes (I timed her) of a temper tantrum because I wouldn't give her the serving spoon at lunchtime.

She was eating peaches with her own spoon. But she wanted the serving spoon. Because CLEARLY it was superior to her spoon. I said no, she had a spoon already. And when she lost her sh*t I decided not to give into the tantrum. On principle, plus I thought she'd get over it.

25 loooooooooooooooooooooooooong minutes later she was still screaming and crying about the spoon. Thankfully I finally distracted her with a fork.

Piglet

So Monkey has recovered from the stomach flu. But now suffers from teething, a cold, and being two. Phew. Did I mention the being two part?

Meanwhile, Jellybean visited the pediatrician (again) to be visually inspected for jaundice and weighed. Her color looks good, and we're supposed to keep up the light exposure. And for the record, the pediatrician actually recommended that I nurse in front of the windows with the blinds up to expose her to as much sun as possible....so neighbors? I apologize for the gratuitous nudity....and yeah, these are my boobs, and um, well enjoy the sights!

Jellybean is putting on weight at a nice clip. She's now exceeded her birth weight and put on 10 ounces in the last four days. PIGLET! Yesterday she was eating with such gusto that M asked if she wanted some bbq sauce to go with it....it was funnier at the time than it sounds now. Trust me. Seriously. (Ok, so if you are sleep deprived it is hilarious!!!!)

Well, off to watch Wall*E for the 15,899,203rd time. Monkey got it for Christmas and it has saved my bacon (and sanity) quite a few times these past two days, while she's been sick and moping about the couch.

Figures

So I finally post, and it is all lightness and good, puppies and rainbows, right? All is good tra la la la la..............


And...............Monkey gets the stomach flu.

f'ing Murphy's law.