Verdict: two

Jellybean had a rough day at school this past Tuesday. We talked about it that evening.

She told me "I yelled at my teachers" and "I threw my lunch on the floor." When I asked why, she said "I was sad."

So, just to be on the safe side, I took Jellybean to the doctor yesterday to rule out strep throat, burst eardrums, etc. (she's been full of boogers for almost 3 weeks now). The pediatrician recommended Claritin.

And the final diagnosis for her terrible day of tantrums and defiance?

Says the doctor: "Well, she IS two."

Oh, baby my baby

Poor Jellybean is teething.

I know, she's been teething for what seems like ages. AGES.

But she's got 4 teeth (eye teeth? canines? gah, I'd be a terrible dentist) breaking through all at once. And she's miserable.

Yesterday, she picked at the gums over one tooth until she was bleeding. My beautiful little baby was wandering around the house with bloody drool, like a pre-school version of cujo. Her pale, pale skin ruddy with blood. Even the wispy blonde tendrils got a bit pink.

She's also got a cold. Of course.

She's in bed right now. She went down well. But ever 4 or 5 minutes she cries. This woeful, piteous lament of mama, mama, mama.

She's had tylenol, and an icy (frozen teether). There's not much more I can do....

It breaks my heart to hear my baby cry.

Merry Christmas everyone. We're too tired to send cards...

So here's the deal. We aren't sending out Christmas/Hannukah/New Year's Eve cards this year. We're too tired.

Monkey is on tamiflu, Jellybean isn't but we're watching her, we haven't slept well in about 4 weeks because of burst eardrums and pinkeye and fevers and boogers and now, quite possibly, the swine flu. And in between we've had a lovely vist with Auntie G and celebrated Jellybean's first birthday and went out dancing (YES! like ADULTS) for M's work holiday party and.....yawn, we're tired. So, no cards.

It's not because we don't love you all. WE REALLY DO. I really wish I had captured that perfect moment when Monkey and Jellybean smiled and giggled together, put it with some pithy quote and then managed to write a personal note to each and everyone one of you. Because really, you all deserve that sort of personal attention. But no, no card.

It's not you, it's us.

Just like the Patriots....

Just like the Patriots' undefeated season, all good things come to pass....

To wit, Monkey's streak of cold-free days has ended. I officially had to wipe away boogers this morning. Sigh.

Do you think if I threw it a ticker-tape parade, her immune system would beat off more colds?

And this trifecta pays out, right? riiiighhht????

Ah, the toddler trifecta:

• Nasty cold
• Pink eye, and
• Cutting two! new! teeth!

Huzzah!!!!!!!!!

Lucky girl. She hit the toddler trifecta! She wins, right?

Meanwhile, last night I was so terrified of accidentally blinding my daughter or otherwise maiming her while holding her down and prying open her eyes to give her the required antibiotic eyedrops??? Yeah, I begged my cousin to come over and (cough, this is embarrasing now) "show us how."

Like I've never put eyedrops in during the last, oh, 3+ decades of my life.

Just shut up! You'd be scared, too, if you knew how strong and tough.....oh, never mind. Go ahead and giggle. Sigh.

Two observations

1.) I am STILL finding rice everywhere. This is despite the fact that I have swept, washed by hand, vacuumed, and otherwise scoured the apartment.
2.) Monkey is Typhoid Mary. I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon to confirm if I have a sinus infection. Meanwhile, she's doing fine!

It's a good thing she's cute. Saves her butt every time.

Eeny, meeny, miney mo.....

So, as Christmas approaches and our mailbox swells with wonderful holiday notes from friends and family near and far....we feel guilty that we haven't even bothered to THINK about Christmas cards.

So, we think about it. We think about the time that we have (um, not much). We think about the list of friends and family we would write to (um, tons - woohoo!). We debate about which picture of Monkey we would insert/use in the card............and the whole process grinds to a halt.

Why? Well, because I have a fab-U-lous digital camera (the Canon Rebel Xti...I'm in love with it, seriously) and have a gazillion photos of Monkey on our computer. There are just too many photos! True confession - I keep even the bad photos. Yup, I keep the photos where she clearly has a huge booger dangling out of her nose...because I am that much in love with my daughter. (And besides, how else would I be able to blackmail her with when she's a teenager?)

Last night, after several nights of retiring to bed as soon as Monkey did (another bout of bronichitis, compliments of a cold I got from my daughter who, unlike me, shook it off like a lab shaking water from its glossy fur...), I decided to be productive and pick out one photo for our Christmas card.

After 45 minutes of noodling about in iPhoto, I realized that I had only gotten to the photos of Monkey at age 6 months - and she is now 16 months old! I had ten more months to go!!

Ufda.

So, I resorted to an honored tradition for making weighty decisions....I put together a short list of my favorites, and then went eeny, meeny, miney mo....

Because seriously, what else would you expect from a woman that keeps a magic eight ball on her desk at work? heh.

Enough with the Snot already!!!!!

Ok, Ok, I realize that Monkey is in her first year of school/daycare, so she is being exposed to every mutant cold bug on earth. And that we live in New York City, in which millions of people sneeze and share their lovely cold bugs daily. And yes, that she is building her immunity.

BUT STILL.

When, on God's Green Earth, will we be DONE with the snot?

Monkey sneezed this morning on the way to school, and then wiped her nose with her hand.

Have you ever seen the Nickelodeon product "Slime"???? Well, it looked like she had stashed a quart of that shit in her hand....and it was stretched in between her hand and her nose.

Gah.

How to spot a Manhattan Parent

I realized this morning that to the uninitiated, it might be hard to spot a Manhattan Parent (subspecies manhattan parenterribulus) in its natural environment.

Although some parents are easily spotted by such indicia as 'mom jeans' , most sport protective plumage (seven jeans, burberry purses, etc.) as camouflage and are difficult to spot without help.

Here are a few tell-tale signs that you have spotted and identified a manhattan parenterribulus ("PT"):

• Stroller hip: if you happen to glimpse the right flank of an adult that is slightly mottled with bruises, you have likely spotted a PT. This discoloration is caused by hoisting a stroller on the hip to navigate stairs. The stroller, in and of itself, would not cause bruising, but when filled with a squirming child, toys, blankies, sippy cups, extra pacificers, emergency cheerios and the diaper bag, it packs a wallop and leaves a mark.
• Right calf dirt: caused by stoller wheels banging against the calf when carrying the stroller up or down stairs. Usually paired with an otherwise immaculate outfit.
• Booger shoulder: boogers on the shoulder of an otherwise immaculate suit is a sign you can rely upon with absolute certainty that you have spotted a PT. (Another variant, also certain, is the spitup shoulder).
• Cheerio detritus on clothing.
• Muted response to kids screaming in public space. You have to be observing the PT closely to catch this behavior, but often you can glimpse characteristic responses such as imperceptible nods of sympathy, and offers of assistance.
• Public humming of such songs as "the wheels on the bus," or the alphabet song. Often noted in elevators.
• In depth knowledge of barney, elmo, maisey, thomas the train or the wiggles.
• Ability to eat meal in 30 seconds while simultaneously juggling at least three other tasks. (note, this is a indicator of the species parenterribulus, and is not limited to the manhattan subspecies).

Best of luck spotting these elusive and secretive creatures!