Jailhouse Rock

Monkey doesn't like to go to bed.

If we let her, she would continue to run (Yeah, um, sorry downstairs neighbors. Is that why you are moving to California? Oh, really? Ha, yeah, ok I actually meant that as a joke, well then, safe travels and, um, sorry...) around the apartment for hours past her bedtime.

She has a whole veritable cornucopia of stalling and delaying tactics, which include being cute, playing us off of each other, asking for milk, pretzels, water (with ice! WITH ice!), another book, the light on, elmo, etc. etc. etc. You get the drift.

But her latest thing? It kills me. Once we decline to engage in a debate about the 8 gazillion things she asks for to delay going to bed and we close the door to her room? She plunks down on her crib mattress, grabs her sippy cup (with ice), and drags it across the crib slats.

Kind of like a prisoner with her tin cup.

Phew, let me undo this top button here....oh, that's better

So the cat is out of the bag, so to speak. Yup, that's right, I finally told my boss that I was pregnant. And MAN does it feel good to stop sucking in my stomach all the time! And I can stand up STRAIGHT and stop slouching all the time!

And, glory be, I can wear maternity pants to work and revel in the goodness that is known as an expandable waistline.

My boss, who is a great guy, was thrilled for me. Despite the fact that I got to drop this wee bombshell on top of a career conversation. What can I say, I'm glad I work here.

Meanwhile, think we can convince Monkey to be as thrilled?

Poor Ollie

I must confess, I am pretty impressed at how tolerant our cat Ollie is....she lets Monkey hug her, pet her, even touch and grab her feet and tail (and that's something, in a cat).

But the other day, Ollie had enough. She took a swat at Monkey and even growled/hissed.

What drove this kind, munificent cat over the edge?

Well.......Monkey tried to blow her nose - the cat's nose. You know, with a kleenex.

She chased Ollie around and around and around and kept putting the kleenex to her nose. I about fell over laughing, it was so funny.

Yes, we know about Meerkat Manor

New words startle me!

Monkey's daycare is closed for the week. I love this Montessori School more than I care to admit, but this whole mimicking the school schedule drives me crazy. The school year "ended" and there were parties, and now it is closed for just over a week, to reopen for "summer school." Meanwhile, those of us that stay stateside for the summer scramble to find daycare for a week!

Luckily, or maybe because I am anal and plan waaaay far ahead, I was able to arrange for Monkey's favorite teacher from school to watch her this week. And yes, I asked months ago.

Vicki had one minor conflict, which was attending the 8th grade graduation of her cousin, Skye. She even lined up an alternative sitter for me (another teacher from the school, whom I didn't know would sit on her days off - score!) but then something came up for her, too. Medical stuff. So Vicki decided, in typical teacher fashion, to roll with the punches and come up with a solution. Which was, to take Monkey TO the graduation ceremony and family party in Brooklyn. I was all, um, you ok with that? But Vicki assured me it would work out well. Besides, her mom wanted to meet the "baby with all the hair" as Monkey was referred to in the beginning....now she's the insane toddler with all the hair. Heh. (see? how cute was she!)


Not only did Monkey enjoy the graduation ceremony (the kids sang songs) but she SAT STILL FOR AN HOUR playing with Vicki's sidekick and wallet. Hopefully Monkey didn't text any ex-boyfriends by accident....

I know, I actually typed out the words in the paragraph above. In caps. And no, I don't believe it actually happened. I think Vicki is delusional - my insane toddler, the one that runs all.the.time....she sat still? Unthinkable.

Monkey's exceptional behavior continued at the party where she sat still to polish off her lunch and ask for more, politely. Vicki was laughing when she told me about this - because at this point her family starting insisting that Monkey HAD to be older than 22 months....since no 22 month old would actually behave that way. See, they witnessed this and they didn't believe it, either!

After the party, in a good mood, Monkey and Vicki went to the Prospect Park Zoo. And Monkey loved it. Now she knows what the zebras and monkeys are, so spotting them is fun. Vicki parked the stroller and Monkey ran (making up for lost time and reverting to the mean...) the entire time they were there.

When I came home from work last night I asked Monkey about her day, and asked her what she saw at the zoo. I expected her to say giraffe, elephant, monkey, or even cow (from the children's zoo part). Nope. She looked at me and said "meerkat."

There was a 2 or 3 second pause as my brain scrambled to understand this word. Monkey pronounced it correctly, I just wasn't expecting it! It honestly startled me.

I figured that this was a fluke, but when M got home Monkey also reported to Daddy that she had seen a meerkat at the zoo.

And this morning? She asked for a meerkat when M went into her room after she woke up.

This kid cracks me up.

Time out

It is official. Mommy got a time out this morning. We were eating breakfast together, and I reached over to help myself to a piece of her dried mango. Well, apparently that infraction was going to go down on my permanent record, because Monkey gave me a time out.

"Time out Mommy, no mango. Time out!"

When I asked her if she was giving Mommy a time out, she said (with great gusto and vigor) YES!

But when I asked her why I was getting the time out (to see if the no mango rule would continue) do you know what she did? She shifted her eyes left and right, in William Shatner-like overacting, as she said "hmmmmm..." and tried to come up with a rationale. I swear to g*d, she was trying to make something up!

I about feel off my chair laughing. It's official, that kid is just bottled insanity. And I love it. Of course, next time I give her a time out and she starts laughing, I might regret this morning....

No, Mommy

This morning was almost perfect.

M and I got up on time, in and out of the shower on time, got to eat our breakfasts in peace (Monkey was sleeping in, hence the peace), and when daddy finally woke up Monkey she was smiling and happy. God, I love mornings like this!

Only then it went downhill when I tried to depant Monkey to 1) change her diaper that was so oversoaked it looked like she had a bowling ball hanging down under her butt and 2) get her in her clothes for school.

That's when the "no, Mommy"s began. Again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again,and again,and again,and again,and again,and again,and again,and again,and again,and again,and again,and again,and again, and I can I stop typing that because you get the idea? Oh thank g*d. (ever notice if you type or say a word too many times it starts to sound like nonsense? or is that just me?)

So, we compromised. She wore her jammies t-shirt under some cute overalls....and, in the interest of world peace and getting to work before 10am, after I put the overalls on Monkey I put the pants to her jammies on OVER her clothes.

And that is how she went to the last day of school for the year. How much do you want to bet at least one of the teacher's brought a camera?

A new sherriff is in town

I think I've blogged about the bizarre love triangles at Monkey's daycare/school before...needless to say the social complexities of a classroom full of toddlers never ceases to amaze me!

It used to be that Monkey loved Roman, who loved Filipa, who didn't love Roman, while Caleb loved Monkey and so on and so forth....

Well, there's a new sherriff in town. Monkey now favors Caleb.

Last night, at school pick-up, Caleb's mom and I left at the same time and walked together a bit. The kids were happy and chattering, and Monkey even shared her everything bagel with Caleb. We got to the front of Caleb's apartment building, and it was time for them to go in while we continued on our way.

We said our goodbyes, and left.

Monkey was bereft.

She wanted Caleb back, and mourned his absence for a good ten blocks. She was crying out CALEB so piteously at one point that a kindly grandmother clucked, shook her head, and said "oh poor baby, you've lost your toy Caleb..." I had to giggle and explain that no, Caleb was Monkey's boyfriend. Grandma's face was priceless as she tried not to also laugh.

Like I said, a new sherriff's in town. But wait, next week it might be Daniel who has won the favor of Monkey's heart....love's a fickle thing in a 22 month old!

SHR(&)CASS

So Monkey is fast approaching the terrible twos. She throws tantrums for no apparent reason, and then - if properly distracted - switches right back to the happiest kid on earth. It's like watching a split personality; you could get dizzy trying to keep track of which emotion is in control!

But what really entertains me is Monkey's recent adoption of the personality of Supreme High Ruler & Commander of All She Surveys (SHR&CASS for short).

SHR&CASS comes out when something happens and Monkey disapproves. For example, SHR&CASS this morning directed that we walk on the OTHER side of the street.

OTHER SIDE OTHER SIDE my g*d woman don't you understand it is imperative that we walk on the OTHER SIDE of the street? I crossed the street and all was well.

Plus, Ollie (our beleagured cat) dared to sniff Monkey's cheerios the other morning. Monkey, I mean SHR&CASS, immediately demanded that the foul cat STEP AWAY FROM THE CHEERIOS FORTHWITH. (ok, on this one I don't blame her, Ollie really did look like she was about to take a nibble...)

And, interstingly, SHR&CASS now dictates which outfits (including jammies) shall be worn. And not just by Monkey. SHR&CASS dictates that Taz (Monkey's stuffed animal toy from Hobart, Tazmania that is....yes, a Tasmanian Devil) wear a specific necklace around the apartment.

SHR&CASS dresses the devil. Need I say more?

Happy Father's Day

Tomorrow is father's day. And I can't even BEGIN to tell you how wonderful my mother's day present was....and how I have nothing. M even mockingly accused me of forgetting! And it isn't like I really did forget, I just couldn't think of anything special that would make his day. Last year I got him custom-made sterling silver cufflinks with Monkey's birth statistics and wee little bare footprints on them. Super cool. Hard to surpass. Sigh.

So this year? This year M gets love. I think that might suffice.

It's mutual

Monkey isn't the only one going through withdrawal: Grandma and 'Andpa called last night because they missed her already.

So we weren't missed that much, after all...

As I mentioned earlier (ok, yesterday), my folks took care of Monkey over the weekend while we went up to Stockbridge, MA for a weekend of festivities surrounding our dear friend's wedding.

We drove up Friday afternoon, in order to attend the Rehearsal Dinner (aka bbq - the bride is Southern) and hang out with friends that night. This meant that we missed Monkey's End of Year Social at her school. (yes, it's a daycare. but what can I say, it's a MONTESSORI daycare and they do it up right). So, my parents went. Grandma and 'Andpa were thrilled to attend, and apparently were charming and didn't tell too many annoying stories about me as a child, that or everyone's lying to me.

After the party ended, and they all walked home together, Monkey's first act upon entering the apartment was to ask for me and dad. Grandma and 'Andpa reminded her that we were gone for the weekend. So, without skipping a beat, she asked for the thing next closest to her heart.....Elmo. She wanted to watch Elmo on dvd.

Stinker! We have stopped letting her watch Elmo because she becomes a complete zombie, and when we turn it off she throws a rotten tantrum! But oh, the moment mom and dad are gone? ELMO!!!!!!!! I swear she knew we had forgotten to tell my folks not to watch it.

I'm kind of proud of her. In a sick, twisted, oh are we screwed when she's a teenager kind of way. The kid knows what she wants and how to get it!

It's going to be quiet at home tonight

My folks have been staying with us for the past week. Yes, in our not altogether palatial New York apartment with only one bathroom. And we still like each other!

It is going to be so quiet tonight when Monkey and I come in the door. I think she is going to be profoundly disappointed to not find Grandma and 'Andpa there to play with - she really enjoyed her time with them these past few days.

Grandma and 'Andpa flew in to spend time with Monkey, but also to kindly let us take off for the weekend to attend our dear friend's wedding in the Berkshires. It was a lovely weekend and a wonderful wedding, even if it was 98 degrees out. (and no a/c at the reception - well, only one in a butler's room/closet...houses built in the 1700s are lovely but boy were we HOT).

This was the third time that I've ever been away from Monkey for more than the work-day. It was wonderful to sleep in! Oh, the sleep! The blessed, blessed sleep.

It was even better to walk in the door and have Monkey come hurtling down the hallway to give me a hug with a huge smile on her face. Yeah, definitely better.

All together now, awwww so cute!

Aren't these the best?

Still paci free

I am somewhat dumbfounded to announce that not only are we still pacifier free, but Monkey has not thrown any fits about it! Not one single tantrum. Yes, she's asked for it several times, but each time we just remind her that she threw it away, and that ends the discussion. Miraculous, I tell you! I am going to have Monkey "decide" to do all momentous things from her on out. It stops whining in its tracks. Powerful shit, this "you did this so no whining" mantra. And I couldn't be prouder of my big girl. She is a rock star.

However, she is also a rock star that decided to wake up at 5:40am this morning. While M is out of town on business. So that my shower became a quickie bath and hair up in a ponytail (super professional, but it's my go-to hairdo) while Monkey chattered away in the bathroom, talking to me about water.

Then, I made Monkey's lunch while she watched Moustache. Moustache, by the way, is a cat that is helping teach Monkey French. Ok, so far she doesn't actually speak any French, but it is educational and she loves it. Thank you Moustache, for my five minutes.

Tonight we straighten up the apartment because tomorrow Grandma and 'Andpa come to town! Woo hoo!!!!!!!! M and I are driving up to the Berkshires this weekend for our friend's wedding, so Monkey will stay with the grandparents here in the city. I anticipate a lot of time in the park, and many many popsicles! Good times.