Sometimes, money CAN buy you happiness

Jellybean is precocious in the manner of all second children (or any number other than first!). She watches her big sister and imitates her.

She imitates her reading. She imitates her silly voice. She imitates her dancing. She imitates her mad toothbrushing skillz..... and, she imitates her using the potty.

In fact, the other night we put her on the potty, and she actually peed in it! I'm not sure who was more startled - her, or me!

Now, as a resident of Manhattan that isn't wildly wealthy (or wildly underwater on a jumbo mortgage), we have limited living space. Our bathroom, shared by 4 humans and a geriatric cat, gives new meaning to the concept of family closeness. We simply don't have much extra space.

When Monkey was potty training, I bought her a special Elmo potty training seat. Which she thought was cool (in theory), but I hated. HATED.

See, this g*dam&n potty seat was HUGE. It took up half of the available space on the floor of our bathroom. And worse yet? When you touched Elmo's hand? He'd cackle, and say something congratulatory like "way to go" in that highpitched voice of his (shudder).

Then, when we were visiting Grandma and 'Andpa, we saw...THE potty seat. The BEST potty seat - ever. The kid part is hidden (held by a magnet) in the lid of the regular seat. No extra stuff in the way. No creepy voice in the middle of the night when your foot brushes Elmo's hand, causing you to leap 3 feet into the air.

And do you know that it cost about $30? That 30 dollars really made a vast improvement in our life.  Sometimes, just sometimes, money really can buy you happiness.

What I overheard this morning....

Monkey: Can you help me? I need to check my elmo.

M: Huh?

Monkey: I NEED TO CHECK MY ELMO!

Me: sotto voice - she means "email" I think!

M: Do you mean email?

Monkey: Yes. Elmo. I need to check it.

M: Ok - go ahead. Who is emailing you?

Monkey: My bear.

M: And what does your bear say?

Monkey: ribbit, ribbit (like a frog).

Made mama whoop for joy!

Eons ago we thought the potty training might have started, but that was...um....March, and now it is October. You know, seven months ago.

Since then we've been offering Monkey the potty, talking about using the potty, and reading a book about potty training a lot. Not every single day, but often. We never forced the issue because, well, she's a pig-headed stubborn child (like both her parents) and forcing the issue would only guarantee tantrums and a flat-out refusal to cooperate. And I'd like her to be potty trained before she goes to college.

Every single time I asked Monkey if she wanted to use the potty she'd say no. Not interested, thank you.

But last night? For the first time that I recall, she actually ASKED to use the potty. So, naked (since she was about to get into the bath), she sat on the potty. And by potty, I mean the actual toilet with a little insert to make sure she doesn't fall in. She refuses to sit on the (shudder) Elmo potty chair I bought for her...and that's fine with me. We use the insert and the rest of it is now a step stool, so it works.

Well, she didn't pee. But she did ask for toilet paper and to flush the toilet. Which is something she only gets to do if she USES the potty (i.e., pees or poops). So after a few minutes of nothing happening, I took her off the potty. And she asked to sit on the potty. So, naked she sat on the potty. And asked for toilet paper and to flush the toilet. Which....oh, you get the point. We repeated this behavior for another 25 minutes or so.

And then, just when I was thinking this might be a pointless exercise and she was yanking my chain for the fun of it.....she peed in the potty! I literally whooped for joy. Man, a few years back if you would have told me that watching my daughter pee all over everything (because she kind of peed ON the insert, instead of INTO the toilet) would make me this happy I would have told you to pound sand. Seriously - like who would actually think this is a big deal? Well, fast forward to our life and honestly - it really was awesome. And I really did whoop for joy.

And then? Because we strive to fulfill all stereotypes of first-time parents who think their child walks on water? We called BOTH sets of grandparents and had Monkey tell her story. Yup. Good times, good times.

Here's hoping she does it again before another 7 months go by...........

So we weren't missed that much, after all...

As I mentioned earlier (ok, yesterday), my folks took care of Monkey over the weekend while we went up to Stockbridge, MA for a weekend of festivities surrounding our dear friend's wedding.

We drove up Friday afternoon, in order to attend the Rehearsal Dinner (aka bbq - the bride is Southern) and hang out with friends that night. This meant that we missed Monkey's End of Year Social at her school. (yes, it's a daycare. but what can I say, it's a MONTESSORI daycare and they do it up right). So, my parents went. Grandma and 'Andpa were thrilled to attend, and apparently were charming and didn't tell too many annoying stories about me as a child, that or everyone's lying to me.

After the party ended, and they all walked home together, Monkey's first act upon entering the apartment was to ask for me and dad. Grandma and 'Andpa reminded her that we were gone for the weekend. So, without skipping a beat, she asked for the thing next closest to her heart.....Elmo. She wanted to watch Elmo on dvd.

Stinker! We have stopped letting her watch Elmo because she becomes a complete zombie, and when we turn it off she throws a rotten tantrum! But oh, the moment mom and dad are gone? ELMO!!!!!!!! I swear she knew we had forgotten to tell my folks not to watch it.

I'm kind of proud of her. In a sick, twisted, oh are we screwed when she's a teenager kind of way. The kid knows what she wants and how to get it!

Uneeda lose Elmo like you need a hole in your head

When random strangers start shouting and repeating themselves, I tend to pretend I don't hear them and move on. Quickly. Call it what you will, there is no way I am going to get trapped into any interaction with a rambling ranting repeating (alliteration, cool!) stranger. Especially when I have Monkey with me.

So, yesterday we were in the grocery store on the way home from daycare, picking up coke zero for me, Uneeda (he he he) crackers for Monkey, and beer for dad who is having a long week. Some guy behind me starts yelling “you dropped something important! Something important! IMPORTANT!! IMPOOOOORRRTANTTTTTTT” and I quickly glance back thinking okaaaay, crazy person, let's just move along now…..and he’s holding out Elmo. Yikes.

Instead of a random bit of mental instability, I got a random act of kindness. And I don't think this guy has kids, otherwise he could have just said "Elmo!" and saved himself from acting unhinged.

The dam's about to break...

Banana

Please (as her outstretched hand reaches for my cell phone, or her paci)

Emma

Hadley

Dance (accompanied with two fingers pointing in the air and much butt wiggling)

Dog

Apple

Elmo (of course! he's her love....)

Meow meow (meaning kitty cat)

Bark

Ollie (as she hugs our saintly cat)

Apple

Bottle

Bath (as she runs streaking through the house dragging her pink towel....)

Nose (with a pointed finger, in case we didn't get it...)

I love you (oh, wow. I do NOT care that she was just repeating us. She said it!)

These are just a few of the things she's said in the past few days. The water is spilling over the dam! Here comes an avalanche of language!

don't try this while driving

monkey's b new trick? she walksareon the house holding her blankie with just her chin pressede against her chest, with elmo on the blanket getting  a ride, all whilev humming and chewing on her pavi.

shes got mad skillzzzz 

but one SKill  is not helping mom type on the comphter. she is hlpgin me right now. thNAKS MUCH

Whoops!

One of my dear friends celebrated her birthday last month.

And, despite the fact that I sent Christmas/holiday cards to exactly 6 people, I actually went out and bought her a birthday card. Which I never sent.

Why? Because Monkey really really REALLY likes the card. It has taken naps with her, gone on errands with her, and generally become one of her favorite items. Yes, almost as beloved as Elmo.

Dear friend, my child absconded with your card. (oh dear, that's right up there with the "dog ate my homework" excuse....)

I had to send belated electronic birthday greetings instead! Oy, thank g*d for "whoops" messages we can send over email!

No, nyet, non, and my personal favorite - oh hell no!

Monkey is acquiring words with more speed now.

She has added eye, bottle, up, down, more, all done, and bubble to her repertoire.

I couldn't be prouder!

Unfortunately, she has also redoubled her use of the word "no."

When asked if she would like something (say, her favorite toy - Elmo), more likely than not she'll say "NO" and vigorously shake her head. And then stick out her hand for Elmo.

She has reached the infamous "land of no." Much like the land of the lotus-eaters, this isn't a stop you willingly make. Rather, it is a land through which you travel, praying it is a short trip and that the border guards will let you out when you get to the other side. Because every.little.thing is a battle! Let's put on your shoes...no. Let's have some lunch...no. Time for a bath....no. No, no, no, oh hell no. Sigh.

Unfortunately, as my mother happily reminds me, next up on Monkey's list of words will be "why"............and that, dear readers, will be a real pain! I can already see that one coming down the pike.....because Monkey's other single-favorite word? Yup, it is "dis" (aka "this" in toddler-speak) spoken with an inflection, often accompanied with a pointed finger, as she asks what something is, again and again and again.

Funny how after you've answered the question of "what's this?" twenty times in a row you get dumb.

That's a thing, that you know, um, does stuff.

Thankgiving

We had a lovely Thanksgiving.

The night before Thanksgiving, we took Monkey down to see the balloons being inflated. We've done this for years. The balloons are all laid out, on the streets around the American Museum of Natural History, and you walk counter-clockwise, looking at the balloons with every other family on the UWS wondering what the balloon is...until some toddler yells out "Diego" or "Clifford!" and the mystery is solved.

Years ago this was a mellow event, but now it has turned into a circus. I would rather go to Times Square on New Year's Eve with Monkey than repeat that mess. Waaaay too many people, and poor Monkey was down low on the ground in her stroller. I got claustrophobic FOR her, and we only got as far east as Columbus before giving up and heading home!

Thanksgiving Day the weather was unbelievable warm, a temperate 65 without much humidity, and it made for a nice day outside with Monkey. (I loved the weather, but I'm convinced that Al Gore got that Nobel for a reason....hello, global warming!). Because it was so nice, and despite the night before, we took Monkey to the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade, to watch the balloons.

She loved the balloons! Loved them! She screamed with delight and reached for them, cackling with insane toddler glee.

Only, the balloons she loved were the ones sold by the vendors, and held by happy toddlers in the crowd in front of us. We played the grinch card and declined to buy any for her, letting her scream with delight at the mere proximity of overpriced potentially lead-infested Thomas the Train Balloons on a stick for the low low price of 22$. (I've no clue what they charged, but I am confident they were waaay too much!). If there had been an Elmo balloon? Yup, we'd have been goners!

The real balloons? Meh. She could have cared less. Maybe next year........

Gonna have to face it, you're addicted to....

Elmo!

Monkey is addicted to Elmo. I mean, wh

at is it about this monster? Isn't he just a red Grover?

Whatever it is, it has supplanted all other desires....Monkey will forgo just about anything, including cookies, in order to watch Elmo.

She has even started singing the welcome to Elmo's world song...and saying "mo?" while running down the hall to bang on the door and beg for access to the computer (so she can see Elmo at www.sesamestreet.org)

It's baby crack.

We didn't want to face the truth, and laughed it off as a phase. But then, reality hit. I knew we needed to stage an intervention when Monkey starting waving and saying "hi" to her pampers diaper....because it has Elmo's face on it.

Is it too early to check her into Promises? To you know, face her addiction and start on her twelve steps?

I know, I know.....at least it isn't Barney, right?