Requiem for a dinosaur

This past weekend we went to a birthday party for one of Monkey's best friends. His parents put up not one, but TWO kiddie pools in their backyard. Monkey had so much fun I thought we might need to live in their basement, as she was never ever going to want to leave.

But, R's parents made parting such sweet sorrow (instead of teeth-grinding temper-tantrums), by handing out goody bags to the kids as they left. So, you don't wanna leave? OK, no problem, no gifts for you........and lo and behold! Away those kids went! Such smart parents.

Monkey's bag was full of little plastic dinosaurs. Which are now about her most favorite posessions in the world. I think only her books and ABC blankie come first....

This morning she begged to take them to school. She had all of them in a bag, ready to go, and was very sad to be granted permission to only take two. She's such a haggler! I said one, she said "THREE" (while holding up her hand with three fingers....like that unbearably cute demonstration might sway me...oh crap, fine, it worked and she got two. What can I say, it was cute!).

Once we got to school, Monkey wanted to hold the elevator open to "help" out. Of course, her body is in the way so everyone is squeezing in and out and it's chaos. But hey, she's helping! And polite! and OH NOOOOOOOOO one of her little dinosaurs fell into the crack between the elevator and the building floor.

It had plummeted to its death. Tears were streaming down Monkey's cheeks and she was taking little, hitching, breaths as she told me what happened in between these sad little sobs.

I decided not to brush this off. We got to the next floor, and after everyone emptied out of the elevator, I took her hand and said "Monkey, let's take a moment to grieve and say goodbye. Your dinosaur has fallen into the center of the earth and won't be coming back."

Monkey leaned forward, looking down the crack as if she could see that teeny dinosaur at the bottom of the elevator shaft, waved, and said "bye bye dinosaur." It would have been hilarious if it wasn't just so sad!

Hmm, where to start

Dear reader, it's been a week since I've posted. Forgive me....it's been a tad bit busy at the Insane household.

So, where to start.

Thanksgiving came and went. Still eating leftovers. Still thinking they are yummy!

My sinus infection came and went. After three hours at the doctor's office (and no, I am NOT kidding about this one. I was there so long I fell freakin' asleep on the examination table. Boo - long wait. Wahoo - nap!) and after much dithering about whether or not to give me antibiotics, I blew my nose and showed off the spectacular color of the contents of my kleenex. Antibiotics were prescribed immediately. Next time I'm blowin' and showin' faster.

I think M has been to Target every other day, stocking up on 'stuff' we need for Jellybean. Diapers and wipes and pacifier clips and lions and tigers and bears oh my. He keeps muttering how a shower woulda' been nice. You know, so he wouldn't have to schlep every single baby item on earth home after work each night and could start his dinner before 8:30pm....but don't mind him. He is nesting as much as I am, and can't wait to meet his daughter!

And, well, thank g*d for this one - our beloved cat Ollie has started to eat again. I know that sounds as boring as can be. But when your beloved cat (FIRST BORN! HRM!!!) stops eating and starts to waste away for no good reason, your heart breaks. And breaks. And breaks. I am profoundly grateful that she is getting better. I want her to be around long enough for Jellybean to get to know her, and claim her as "her Ollie cat" the same way Monkey does.

I am also profoundly grateful that A) Monkey did break her neck when she fell off of the swing onto her face and then rolled over, the hard way, onto her back and B) I did not lose her (literally, not figuratively) when she got onto the elevator by herself at school and went on up to the 8th floor without me. Yes, while she was under my supervision. I SO am qualified to raise two kids, considering how well I'm minding one. I'd post more about losing Monkey at school but it still makes me sick to my stomach. Let's just say that those were worst 3 minutes of my life, ever. And be done with it.

Here we go again

I feel like we should put the pediatrician on speed dial.

It is 4am and I am wide awake after settling Monkey back down. She has been alternating between awesome, cranky and listless the last two days - but no fever - so we've just chalked it up to being two.

But tonight as she went to bed she complained that her ears hurt.

Poor little girl. She had some ibuprofin around 9pm as we were trying to settle her down for the night, and sure enough, 6 hours later when the meds wore off she woke up crying. Tylenol this round. Doctors office in the morning.

Meanwhile, Ollie has spent the greater part of the last two days puking first hair balls and then just bile.

And I am awake. Wishing I could make all my creatures feel better.

As soon as my tylenol eases my headache I'll crawl back into bed.

Dawn breaks early in the swamp. See you all in two hours.........

Invitation to my pity party?

I am 34 weeks pregnant and in addition to general intestinal misery, my body hurts. Sleep is elusive, even when I am in bed.

My cat keeps taking dumps on the floor of the bathroom in the middle of the night.

M, my beloved husband, is on the other side of the world (Geneva, Switzerland).

Monkey now has croup. After steaming her, I sat in her room and listened to her breath for a few hours last night. You know, to make sure she COULD breath. Croup is spooky in the middle of the night.

I am extraordinarily busy at work.

I just want to not be me right now.

You bring the cheese, I'll bring the whine............

Every little thing she does is magic....

I'm going to Denver this week for work. So everything that Monkey does, I see through the viewfinder of "damn, I"m going to miss this kid while I'm gone..."

That's all. Nothing melodramatic, funny or even vaguely interesting to say. I'm just going to miss my insane toddler.

Wrong side of the bed (crib, whatever...)

Poor Monkey, she really was a disaster this morning.

She's not feeling well, with a cold, and that made her miserable, and then every thing kept going wrong.

Like what? Well......I opened the door to the kitchen and smushed her foot/scraped her little toe. (Cue award music for mother of the year.)

Then she tried to grab a heavy book out of her crib and dropped it on her foot. Same one, bien sur.

And then, adding insult to injury, the cat hissed at her when she hugged poor Ollie too vigorously. I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Monkey just looked at me and sobbed.

If she were a few years older, I think she would have just told me she was going back to bed for the day. That or said "it's five o'clock somewhere in the world" and cracked open a beer.

Bittersweet

Last week (the "staycation") went by in a flash. Poof - gone.

And today, I dropped Monkey off at her first day of school (year #2!). She ran into the room without a second glance. I didn't even warrant a "bye" until I prompted her (loudly). I was so proud of her, watching her work the room as she greeted her friends.

As I rode the bus to work, I realized that this past week was the last time I would ever get to do something like that with my baby. That week, those precious few days, they were our last - ever - mommy & monkey time. Yes, we'll have weekends and things like Thanksgiving break, but still - that was the last uninterrupted week where it was just the two of us. Ever.

Because the next time we spend a week like that, I'll be caring for her little sister. And I know that I will love this second daughter with a fierceness that is unrivaled by anything except for my love of Monkey. My firstborn. My baby that has grown up so fast. It isn't that I am regretful or mournful that I'm pregnant with number two - the exact opposite. Her gentle kicks and nudges (and occasional wallops to the bladder) make me smile. I can't wait to meet her.

But today, today I realized that soon everything will change. Somehow I wish that Monkey would remember this time, this special mommy&me time. But I know that when she looks back at her childhood, at her earliest memories, they will likely revolve around her little sister. And that's a good thing.

Sand Angel

Friday Monkey went back to the pediatrician to follow up on her upper respiratory viral infection and resulting inhaler - and got the BEST report I could hope for - "clear lungs." Phew! With asthma in the family (both sides) and living near Harlem that has the highest rate of asthma in the city, I was worried. So, for now, relief. And, after tonight - no more inhaler! Whee!!!!!

After the appointment with the doctor (which ended about 3:30pm), Monkey and I walked home through the park. With a 2 hour detour in a sandbox. Yes, two FULL hours in the sandbox. It was a perfect sunny day, 80 degrees out, slight wind, and no humidity. Exactly the kind of weather you want, and rarely get, at least here in NYC. 

The sandbox was a hit. Monkey had fun playing by herself, and also with others. From time to time she would approach other kids and hand them a toy - as if to say here, take this, enjoy. She's become very social that way and it is fascinating to me. I attribute it to the montessori daycare. 

Monkey was so completely filthy that at one point I took off her shirt, and shook it upside down to get (most of) the sand out of a pocket. And then yes, put that filthy shirt back on her....after all, she was going right back into the sand! 

M wasn't with us - he was winging his way to Nebraska to bury his grandpa Bernie Hoerle. Rest in peace, Grandpa. We'll miss you. We were really sad to hear that he passed away Wednesday morning - but since it was unexpected, he didn't suffer through a long illness. And at almost 88 years of age, he'd lived a long, full life.

I was thinking about this, about life & death, as I sat in the brilliant sun and watched my beautiful daughter play in the sand - full of life, healthy and happy. Monkey was on her back throwing sand into the air, and started making snow (ok, sand) angels. I thought "how appropriate" to make an angel....

Better living through chemistry

Monkey is on the mend. After a really nasty weekend, she stayed home on Monday and part of Tuesday. Monday, ok, I get that. It was too early to send her back to school, what with the fever and the double earaches and needing to heal. But Tuesday?

Tuesday was another matter all together.

Tuesday, Monkey woke up with what looked exactly like the measles. And I do mean exactly - Heather confirmed that when she saw Monkey Tuesday night and used some fancy-schmancy doctor terminology word-like thingamabobber (macular or maculopapular) that means a rash that "looks like measles." (See, I'm so smart! I can translate!!! Thank you Mr. Google!)

However, thanks to modern medicine in the form of the MMR vaccination, Monkey wasn't suffering from measles, but rather a reaction to her amoxicillin. And all I can say is? Thank g*d I don't have to worry that she'll die from this preventable disease. And I do mean thank g*d. See, along with discovering that I actually like children, well, at least my own? I have gone back to church. And found that I really like it.

The hard part on Tuesday morning was waiting for the doctor's office to call back. Monkey woke up with a fever, a slight cough, she still had the redness and irritation of the eyes (conjunctivitis), and now she had a scary looking rash. And, scarily enough, these are all indications of measles.....so even though I KNEW it was highly unlikely that she had measles, since she had been properly vaccinated, I still worried.

***soapbox alert***
I know that people do things for reasons that make sense to them. I understand that intellectually. But what I don't understand, from the bottom of my heart, is how someone could choose to possibly expose their child to a preventable disease - something that could harm or possibly even kill their child - and opt out of vaccinations. I just do not get it. And it makes me mad. And sad. I just don't get it.

I have now deleted four really really long sentences waxing rhapsodic about the dangers of not getting vaccinated, and the foolishness of thinking that herd immunity will protect your kids...if you are part of the herd, and you don't vaccinate, then you are a free-loader and selfish.
***end soapbox alert***

Ahem. Back to our regularly scheduled broadcast.

The pediatrician confirmed it was a reaction to the antibiotic, told me that Monkey's ear infections weren't responding to the antibiotic (which explained Monkey's continued night ritual of waking up crying from the pain, and not eating), switched her antibiotic and cleared her for school.

And last night? For the first time in I don't remember how long? Monkey ate her dinner, went to bed........and actually slept through the night.

Thank g*d for vaccinations, antibiotics, and the magic elixir known as tylenol. And, thank g*d for smart people who choose to dedicate their life (and several decades of student loan payments, ouch!) to caring for our kids. And yes, Heather (aka Mama Two!) that means you.

Up on my soapbox

In redacted form, below please find an important email my sister in law, G, sent to me:

Good morning-

Some of you may already know, but a friend of mine from highschool, J* and her 7 week old son G* passed away on December 19th. J* suffered in silence from severe post partum psychosis which resulted in her taking her son's and her own life. I am sending this email to all of you in hopes of spreading the awareness of Postpartum disorders.

Countless cases go untreated and in many instances the mother doesn't seek help for the fear that her thoughts and feelings will mean negative consequences. No one knew that J* was suffering after the birth of her son; she was able to hide it from her husband, parents, twin sister, and friends, which is why I believe this disease is so terrible. It can be prevented and treated, but it needs to be recognized and talked about.

Most of us know someone having a baby, planning to have a baby, or recently had a baby. Please take time to read/educate yourself on the various levels of postpartum depression (see below links) so that you can share this information with your friends and loved ones in a proactive manner. This has been a horrific tragedy that all family and friends continue to try to make sense of since Dec. 19th.

J*was one of those people that everyone absolutely loved, whether you knew her for 5 minutes or a lifetime. She truly was one-of-a-kind and as the obituary reads, she was the epitome of all that was right in the world.

It is the wish of everyone already touched by this tragedy that anyone at risk of any form of a postpartum disorder would have the awareness, resources and help that they need:

http://www.postpartum.net/brief.html
http://womenshealth.gov/faq/postpartum.htm
1-800-PPD-MOMS