Invitation to my pity party?

I am 34 weeks pregnant and in addition to general intestinal misery, my body hurts. Sleep is elusive, even when I am in bed.

My cat keeps taking dumps on the floor of the bathroom in the middle of the night.

M, my beloved husband, is on the other side of the world (Geneva, Switzerland).

Monkey now has croup. After steaming her, I sat in her room and listened to her breath for a few hours last night. You know, to make sure she COULD breath. Croup is spooky in the middle of the night.

I am extraordinarily busy at work.

I just want to not be me right now.

You bring the cheese, I'll bring the whine............

Cat (gently used) 4 Sale - CHEAP!

So, the adventure continues. Monkey woke at 4am. But (thank G*D I'm getting better at this middle of the night crap...just in time for #2) I got her to sleep and was back in bed by 4:45am. SUCESSS! I ROCK!!!

Yeah. Until some 20 odd minutes later when I was woken out of what was promising to become a deep slumber by my CAT. YOWLING. In that exact same high pitch that sounds like Monkey keening.....so of course I bolted straight up, convinced she was awake again. Pulse racing, I verified that Monkey was still sleeping and went back to bed.

Heartburn. OK, up for some medicine and a glass of milk. Feed the cat and return to bed yet again. It is now 5:25am.

Lay awake for a few minutes.....and then smell something suspiciously similar to cat shit wafting through the air...but hear nothing, no litter being scratched. Get up to investigate and voila! Cat shit on the bathmat. Why? No clue - the f'ing litter box is right there, clean, and Ollie has been fed.

I fume. I put on gloves to clean the mess up (since - OH YES, it IS so - M is out of town) and officially give up on sleeping.

Check email and learn M landed in Geneva safely. Reply with growly email about wanting to sell cat to the gypsies. Consider posting an add on Craig's List for gently used cat.

5:45am. Hop in shower and pray Monkey won't wake up while I'm in there. Take the world's fastest shower and pop out to.....silence.

Creep around the apartment. Verify that child and cat and now both sleeping, blissful and adorable in their repose.

It's a damn good thing, too, or the gypsies would totally be raking it in this week...

The four horses of the apocalypse

I could hear their hoofs drumming down the hallway last night. You know, between the hours of 2am and 4:30am when Monkey was WIDE AWAKE and throwing a tantrum instead of self-soothing and going back to bed.

Either that, or it was my pulse throbbing behind my eyeballs as I was simultaneously exasperated, sympathetic, generally pissed off AND exhausted. Sure sounded like horses to me....

Of course, true to form she woke up in a spectacular mood. Charming, cheerful, happy to see us, and a complete and utter pleasure to be around. She even begged for an extra goodbye kiss from her Daddy.


Shoot, just as I was planning on selling her to the gypsies....

Must....get....sleep

So, the whole Big Girl Bed experiment continues.

Sleep has become a hit or miss experience recently....

We have had some success.

We've had some failures.

Today started at 3:30am. Monkey woke up. Got worked up. Begged for Mommy. Begged for Daddy. Whined for bread and jam. Whinged for the DVD "Ice Age." Devolved into the most spectacular tantrum I've ever seen her throw. And then ended up sleeping, blissfully, in my lap, from 5:15am to 6:45am.

M did not sleep. I slept a wee bit, when she was in my lap. As much as I could considering I had 50 lbs of baby pressing down on my (full) bladder. I'm sure Jellybean appreciated the company but DUDE WE ARE SO F'ING TIRED NOW.........

So tired, in fact, that this morning M managed to put on a black belt and brown shoes. I know, I know.........the world stopped spinning and went backwards there for a moment. He would NEVER do that in real life.

Hmm, wow - where to start

Yikes. So much to post in a few short days!

1) Monkey is not a fan of daylight savings and insists on waking up at 5:30am. Oy.

2) Monkey is a rock star (and, she'll actually say that to you - it's freakin' hilarious!) and moved into the Big Girl Bed in the Big Girl Room (capitalization on purpose!). The crib and nursery are no longer in use. Except to hold the boxes of stuff that belong to Jellybean.

3) Now that Monkey is in the Big Girl Bed, naps are a wee bit unstructured. (Oh, I know this because her school was closed on Election Day for parent-teacher conferences). And by unstructured I mean that I was in there with her for - hmmmm - oh AN HOUR AND A HALF convincing her to be quiet. Because the ability to gather MORE BOOKS was damn-near frying her brain from the excitement. Exhaustion finally over took her and she fell asleep with 17 books in her Bed with her. I know this because I counted them. And, while this is so ridiculous it is sublime, I confess that I kind of find it adorable. I love books that much, too. What can I say, she's my kid!

4) And, on the topic of being my kid.....I am no longer numero uno in her world. Daddy is. She's hurt? She asks for daddy. She's mad at me? She asks for daddy. She wakes up cranky (see #1, above) and needs a little love before the day starts? Yup, she wants her daddy. And every time she pushes me away and yowls for daddy? My heart melts a little bit. My time away in Denver really re-uppped their bond. And to quote Martha, "it's a good thing."

5) Now, to quote my beloved little brother? "Nicely done America!" I am proud to say that I am still wearing my Obama '08 button. I don't know that I want to take it off. And if you want to know why M and I got no sleep election night? Check out this link - between the students cheering, the media heliocopters filming the celebration in Harlem, and the impromptu parade down our block at 12:30am, we got no sleep. And it was worth it!