Raw

These days my emotions are a little bit closer to the surface than usual. I noticed this after Monkey was born, too. No, not post partum or even the baby blues - my skin is just a little bit thinner than usual. I feel more sadness AND joy.

I find it harder to watch news about sick kids or lost puppies. When I"m nursing Jellybean often I'll catch a few minutes of daytime tv....and if the show has a lost, sick or dead child - I can NOT watch it. It makes me too sad. I remember after Monkey was born I was taking one of my first walks with her around the neighborhood, and when I walked past the homeless guy that "resides" on a nearby corner...I cried. All I could think was that he was someone's baby, too - someone's baby was sleeping on the street, dirty and hungry.

Some of it has to do with being tired from lack of sleep, But it is more than that. It is way more than that. It is about being close to the miracle of life. Watching my infant daughter breathe, in and out, in and out, makes my heart swell with love and wonderment. Listening to the joy in my insane toddler's voice when she yells "daddy's home!" and grins ear to ear makes me grateful to be alive.

When I was pregnant with Monkey, my father kept talking about the "miracle of life." I kind of wrote that off as something people say. And, truth be told, I was suffering from a bad attitude because I really don't like to be pregnant.

But the thing is? My dad was right. It really is a miracle.